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3 Pages Attempt Again 1

I'm trying to do a few pages a day again. During my time at work I had a lot of time to think while listening to The Shining. I got a site that plays all the Stephen King audio books...illegally I guess. Listening to that story reminded me why I wanted to write in the first place and the kinds of things I need to get off my chest the next time I see my therapist, which is tomorrow. I hate the blank page. When I have a guide, or a path in front of me, basically an outline, I feel good about writing. When I don't, I feel like crap and so does the writing. I've been trying desperately to write my Cain story and I have an idea of what to do but not how to get there. It's frustrating because I'm trying to catch up. I feel like I've wasted a big chunk of my life playing games and goofing around. But it's my life so I'm allowed to use it as I see fit, I think. I wonder if God can help me catch up. I know, I know, they say that your race is your own and shouldn...
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3 Good Things 19

Several good things happened today. I got my car washed and hung out with my dad. He's got some back pain but hopefully he'll get better. I've decided to write three pages every day come hell or high water, again. I hope I can stick to it this time. I'm going to try.
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3 Good Things 18

 It's been a while since I wrote. I'm working on finding out why I'm so ashamed of my writing. I think it's because I'm ashamed of the things I enjoy. My folks used to poke fun at the games and anime I liked. Not to be mean but it still affected me. Anyway, a friend came over today and we watched a few good movies. I got pizza and got to show my friend the games I was talking to him about. It was the perfect amount of him because fish and friends stink after three days. 
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3 Good Things 17

Am I really halfway there? Is this really helping? I can't live day by day, I have to know what's happening next. A few good things did happen. I listened to Bill Johnson again. Depsite the chip on my shoulder of being told what to do, it was a good lesson. Mom thinks that everyone has that kind of chip. People like to think they're independent. I got some gameplay in. I've been playing Crimson Desert and I can barely play an hour because of the massive size of the game world. It's so over whelming that I don't know if I can properly play it. It's like an overload for me and that rarely happens to me in games. I guess that's a good thing. I mopped all the floors at work today, I think I did a good job. That's another good thing. And I wrote three sentences for my story today. I asked God to give me the courage to write after work. He gave me the courage and the energy.
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3 Good Things 16

I went onto a site called "Shut up and Write." I spent an hour writing with few distractions and it felt as good as vomiting. Somehow my creative mind doesn't catch up when I'm writing fiction. I'm meeting my writing friend today so maybe I'll feel better after talking to her. I've noticed something about me, certain things in my home, in my life, don't move. It's like they're stuck. Things like tools I never use or objects I let collect dust. I noticed it when I was cleaning out with my mom today. She insisted on coming over and having me take inventory of everything she pulled out. I count cleaning as a win but knowing that you don't use the things your parents provide for you maked me feel a little guilty.
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3 Good Things 15

I'm halfway there. I think the weather and this exercise is starting to take effect on my mind. I've done something that I've never done before, I reached out. I've been trying to get into a reading group like the pro writers and I always shy away from social engagement. That changes today as I'm trying to get into a "Shut up and write" group. I'll write how it goes later. Yesterday was a good day because for once I didn't feel bad about staying home. My mom came over and we worked on the kitchen, getting rid of all the expired food. I took out four trash bags of junk to the trash can that day. Of course, that feeling of accomplishment lifted me throughout the rest of the day. I went on and wrote A LOT yesterday and I got some reading done. I'm still stuck on writing for the sake of fame but that might change if I fall in love with the craft again. I think my problem is that I think too outside the box and then I torture myself thinking that my...
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3 Good Things 14

Today is the last day of May. I'm one month closer to my birthday and I get the money for my games tomorrow too. So a double positive. I thought up another scene of my Cain story so that's good. My friend who got surgery yesterday was overflowing with news about the Backrooms movie she saw. She was satisfied with it. I just had to take her word for it since I haven't seen it yet. I made my favorite hambuger and noodles and I got Taco Bell. I think today was a good day. 
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