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3 Good Things 2

 I have to write about this. Today, was not a good day. At least, not until the night. I woke up and ate a bunch of junk food for breakfast even though I knew I shouldn't. That weight in my bowels almost made me sick. I almost didn't go into work because I felt so crappy. But, I played a game called Balatro which caught my attention. I was on a roll and didn't want to leave the game. So I left the game on all day to not interupt my game seed. Game seeds are how a game is set up and I had the perfect one. I had the perfect line up. The game is like playing poker by yourself. The game will give you a set number of chips you need to win by playing poker hands. As a bonus, you can use planet, tarot, spectral, and Joker cards to add bonuses to your game. Planet cards upgrade the number of chips you can get from hands. Tarot cards can add effects to your playing cards. Spectral cards cover a variety of abilities and are very rare. And Joker cards give out bonuses to your cards an...
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3 Good Things

I'm trying a new strategy where I write three good things that happened the day before. It's supposed to help with my mental health. Yesterday my mother and I celebrated a belated Mother's Day. We used to travel card my sister gave me for my birthday to go to the Motts Military museam for free. It's a small, local museum that's serves double duty. It has a collection of military memorbilia and the recreated home of pilot Eddie Rickenbacker. Despite being a history buff, I knew nothing about the man. The tour guide took care of that by talking my ear off for half an hour about the many adventures and close calls "Lucky Eddie" had in his life. He survived three weeks at sea after his plane crashed in the ocean and survived another plane crash when he was retired. The man was a racecar driver and got into airplanes during WW1. It's interesting because people joke about Ohio having little to nothing of value and yet here's a decorated hero from my home...
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Hope's dashed

Yesterday, I had gone to my psychiatrist for the first time in three months hoping that she would have some new plan or medicine for me. While I have been feeling better, there's room for improvement and I was ready to take on whatever concoction she could think of. Instead, she told me that I should stay on my current meds. That's fine, I'm not in any danger, but I wish there was some wonder pill that could fix my motivation and anxiety. she suggests focusing on therapy which is like saying you need to exercise to get better physical results. That's also fine, but I'm so used to my problems being zapped away with a few pills that I'd rather we explore more options. I can't lie to them and say I'm not doing well because I'm fine. That's it though, I'm fine. Not great, just fine. Room for improvement. 
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D's Defence

I was planning on writing more about Lovecraft today but something happened at work that I thought would be prudent to write about. A resident at the home I work at, we'll call him "D" caused a commotion. I walked into a room with drinks for the residents' dinner when D walked in and demanded to know if I had anything to do with what just happened. I had no idea what he was talking about so I played it cool and told him I had been in the kitchen. D went into a rant about how angry he was at someone who he claimed had told D that he was a cop. Let's call this individual "J." Now, I know J very well and he is as mellow as a melon. D claimed that J had lied to him about being a cop. Now, D was a cop in his former life so he took "lying" very personally. D went into a rant about corrupt cops and how he used to be on the force and how he found people who were on the wrong side of the law. It soon occured to me that D had done something bad and he wa...
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Encounters with the Eldritch

One of the aspects of Lovecraft's works that I think goes unnoticed by readers is the vulnerability of his characters. This goes under the radar for some because Lovecraft often uses the same archetypes for his humans such as researchers or intellectuals. People he would enjoy in his own circle. But this common trope limits the effectiveness of his characters. Other writers have expanded upon his origin but the fact is that the more human the characters, the more potent the interaction with the supernatural. 
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Motivation

Two days ago I had a bad writting day. The air was cold and I was not having it. But I sat down and wrote anyway, even though I knew that it would be difficult. And I barely got a paragraph out of me. So, I go to work, feeling like the worst writer who ever lived. I do my job, take people's plates, and I mumble prayers under my breath. I tell God that I can't go anywhere if I'm only able to write a paragraph a day, I need more pages under my belt. I'm passing by an older guy and he stops me as I collect his plate. He thanks me for the meal and he tells me that he's been watching me for a few years. Whether that is true or not, I don't know. It could be the ramblings of a man with dementia for all I know. But he says something to me that strikes me, he says "you do a good job, you'll go far." I'll go far? At first, I was ready to dismiss what he was saying. Just a coincidence, no way that it's from God. But all good things come from God. So ...
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The Old Man

For the past three days I've been in a spiral. I encountered a crotechy old man who called me a "fat bastard" after I took his plate. My job is to take used plates so that I can clean them but apparently that didn't sit well with the old man. His words cut into me and left me wounded. I think it hurt a lot more because I am overweight. I can't recall the last time I was called "fat." But more than his words, it was the surprise that struck me. I didn't have enough guards up to expect a sneaky punch like that. So I went home and called my folks who prayed for me and tried to comfort me. They were surprised that I was taking his words so seriously. It was obvious that he was an old man out of his mind. But his words bounced around in me like an echo chamber. "Fat bastard." "Fat bastard." "Fat bastard." Forward two days and we get to yesterday. I had to go back to work and that meant confronting the old man again. I had pra...
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