The Blog In Yellow

I think I wasted today. I'm not too hurt about it but I feel like I should be. I wasted time that I don't have. I played games instead of tricking myself to sit down and write about Cain for a few minutes. I think I'm almost done with Cain. It's not a great story but I'll finish it and go on. I want to write about killer stairs next. Other than that, I had a good day. People were thankful to me, especially the local pastor who thanked me and hugged me when I gave him an ice cold ginger ale. I had plans for today, I was going to listen to more audio logs about the King in Yellow and the game Signalis. At least I organized my notes from those two sets into folders. I think I'll work on Cain tomorrow even if I'm not up to it. I have to write stuff even if I don't feel like it'll be great or I'll never write at all.

Don't expect much today, the day was busy. I thought I'd have time to write but instead I was running around all day doing chores. I had to get an eye exam, first one in five years, to tell if I needed new glasses or not. One thing that didn't change was the optomitrist's iron-like handshake. How is a man that bony so strong that you have to squeeze back to avoid breaking your bones? My eyes are fine despite the new drugs and I'm getting a new pair for the price of twenty dollars thanks to my medicade stuff. After that, they dialated my eyes which made driving home a nightmare. I put my clothes in the wash and went to bed. After that I woke up two hours later and went to dinner with my folks. Then I went home after my laundry was done. See? I don't have much in the tank today.  In other news, the ICS, which is a collection of games, is being shut down. It seems that no one is interested in preserving my favorite hobby. The hands of money are too strong as no one...

I believe Obsidian's new Fallout game will suck. I'm just putting that out there. Obsidian is a game design company behind the famous Fallout New Vegas, which is considered to be one, if not the best, Fallout game in the series. My favorite is still Fallout 3 but I understand that New Vegas is the best in the series, even if it doesn't do everything that 3 did. Xbox has announced that they are laying off hundreds of employees. At least two studios, Double Fine and Compulsion Games, are going back to being indie developers. And what did Xbox expect? In the time since these studios have been purchased, they've come out with a total of less than five games over a near decade. That's not a lot of games from studios that thrive on making smaller games. It's a real bloodbath at Xbox. I've seen posts about people sad that they or their friends have been let off. The worst was perhaps Id who is behind the Doom series. The studio is less than half of what it used to ...

Today I went to the Columbus Book Fair downtown. It's a two day event where authors come to present their work while the famous authors, like Paul Tremblay, get to galvanize their career by showing up while the rest of us normal folk struggle to get published. I shouldn't be so bitter. I've read some of Tremblay's work and it isn't bad, just not my cup of tea. I prefer my tea with a lot of bitter tears in it like Stephen King's tea. My dad and I went there early, around ten before the real event began. I went to find a room where other small time authors would give me their input on writing. There was a line for Tremblay before I got there and it tripled by the time my group was done. I did get some things out of the group. I was lucky to get a seat near the front. The authors there described what their process was like and how they got to be where they are. At first, I thought that only the guy would hold answers for me but there was this woman there who had wr...

It's only Twelve and the day has been full of events. I went to my dentist to get a tooth put in. After half a year of having a gap in my smile, the implant feels alien. Like there's a wad of something foreign in my mouth. It doesn't feel like the opposite premolar. Like someone shoved a ceramic weight into my gums. It doesn't hurt but it will take some time to get used to.  I've had strange dreams as well. Last night, I dreamed I was in Eddy's house from the hit cartoon. We were looking for food for some reason. This new medicine I'm taking has made me sleepy during the night time. Thankfully, there isn't an after effect so I'm not drowsy in the morning. I wake up feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the day. But the medicine has not removed my fear of writing. I suppose that will be something I will always have to face. I'm worried that my work won't add up to something. I know a lot of writers talk about writing from a place of love. Can ...

I've been asked by my therapist to look inside myself and ask what is causing that competitive side of me to come out. I've been of the mindset that if I didn't win, I lost. I think I compared it to someone who runs the Boston Marathon. There are those that run for the exercise, the ones that try to beat their own record and the people who try to win the race. I've seen the Boston Marathon on TV before and they rarely focus on the winner, rather the TV crews show the groups of people passing the line. I've never done a lot of research on the marathon but I know that it's a gauntlet to get through. But, when I think about the people who've won awards like King and Ellison, I feel like there is a game to win. Case in point, I'm watching a video about a competitive video game: Tokon Fighting Souls. Just like the marathon, there are three groups of people who play, and I can't help but feel like I'm in a race to the top. My therapist has advised me t...