The Blog In Yellow

There's a lot I want to write about and things I want to do but I'm just not in the best state of mind right now. I need to let myself heal or let the medicine kick in before I can start writing again. I know that I'm giving up time but it's important that I fix myself or I'll spiral into a hole again. So, for now, I'm taking a small break from writing. I'll still try to post here but writing my Cain story is going to have to wait until I can do it without beating myself up. 

I don't feel like writing for Cain today so I'm working on the blog because I don't care what happens here. I wonder if I ever did care. It's just that it feels like I'm ripping something out of my soul whenever I try to write for real. It' doesn't feel as fun as this writing but it does feel more important. I put so much pressure on myself that I expect Stephen King quality when I'm still writing what feels like fanfiction.  So, this is a test to see if I can work on my "plan." There's this game that came out years ago called Pikmin. It's about an astronaut named Olimar who's the size of a penny who crashes on Earth. Being from another world, he knows nothing about our planet but finds a small creature that's willing to help him, a Pikmin. The game play tasks the player in collecting many of these creatures. Red for fire, yellow for electricity, and blue for water. Gather enough of them and you can use them to gather resources....

I've been having some trouble figuring out where to go next with my story. Nothing seems right so I put the story into the AI and asked it for what should happen next. The AI didn't have the answer. It's hard because it doesn't seem like I'm going anywhere. Like I'm mapping out a desert. It all looks like barren dunes. I need some shade. I'll try again tomorrow. I'm not going to beat myself up over not doing too much. Sometimes you have to stop for a bit and think. 

I've played top down games before and they always seem to somehow get under my skin. The skyview can lend to some serious gameplay effects that haunt the player. I remember playing Hotline Miami for the first time and completing it within a few days. The game is a trippy shock to your senses as you attempt to figure out what is going on in the drug-fueled carnage. There's something surreal about these types of games that adds more legitimacy to your actions. Maybe it's the way you're watching horrific acts being performed from a drone's perspective that adds to the visceral view. But Hotline Miami and it's sequel were years ago, now I'm playing Darkwood. It's a similar game with a top down perspective but with a view cone that obscures your vision. If you fail to look in a direction, the area is obscured by darkness, like having a flashlight in the night. This means monsters and traps can sneak up on you if you're not careful enough to look around. T...

I feel a little better lately. I'm updating my medicine which probably means it will be hell on my mind but I'll stick to it as best I can. God help me I'm scared but also excited. I've convinced myself to work on my Cain story today so that's what I'm going to do.

I think I was in fifth grade when I thought of this concept. I remember it because I was going to a new school and I felt the need to doodle about alternate dimensions. The concept was that there was this large train that traveled through different worlds. More like different times and spaces such as advanced time. For example: the player could uncover a locked gate and travel using a special wand to a dimension where the lock was rusted away. I don't recall why there was a train in the game, back then I just went with my first instinct. There was a pair of siblings who guided the player. The girl didn't have a name but the brother, if I remember correctly, was named Brock. I sketched all these different types of wands the player would use to affect the world around them. I never got very far with the concept and quickly moved on to other ideas. It turns out I may have been ahead of the curve. About a decade later a game called Quantum Conundrum came out with similar ideas. Ins...