The Blog In Yellow

I think the biggest fear I have is how the work will come out. I know that the first draft will be bad but what if I don't know how to correct it. Anyone can spot a plot hole but how do you fix it? It's hard to do the job if you don't have the right tools. The only thing I can do is try my best and fix it as I go. I'll learn from my mistakes as best I can. Ironically, the KIY books were supposed to be a test to see if I can write. Now, I'm so attached to the series that I want it to be perfect.

I had to stop myself for a moment when I saw a dead cat on the road. He was laying on the side and I couldn't see where he'd been struck. I thought, "That's you. That's your life. Dead and forgotten." It's strange that I thought that way when I haven't published anything yet. I probably thought that because my job search went poorly. Job hunting is already a slough but it increases with each week. How does one have hope for a job when they can't work full-time? All that waits for you is death. I don't make enough to pay my bills and I can't save enough to retire down the line. My future looks bleakand all I feel is that dead weight on my chest. That fear of bring unimportant. 

I've been told that there are books in me. There are stories I want to tell and ideas I want to write, but is it worth anything? Stephen King tells me to write for the joy of writing but anyone who's on the top can say that. I need money, I need this book to work out. If it doesn't, what does that mean? Did I fail? Is this story worth a few bucks?  Will my story be remembered? These questions plague me and I've not written the first chapter. I have to remind myself that I'm writing a young adult novel. Unless I change my name to Rowling it will probably go out of print someday. Is that my true fear? Being forgotten? I'm not sure what I want any more except that I want to try. Once I finish the king in yellow I'll have a good foundation. I hope. 

Let's take another look at deep horror, the adult horror. What does Dracula represent? On a surface level, he's a monster that sucks blood but when we look deeper we see a bigger meaning. Perhaps  sucking blood is erotic and he represents the male need for sex. Maybe that's why so many vampire stories are teen angst. Know one knows unbridled lust like a horny teenager. Perfect fit for a vampire.  How about we go deeper? Dracula lives in a castle and is obviously rich. Maybe Dracula represents the bourgoisie and how they suck the life out of the common folk who are crushed under the system. And what about werewolves? Are people really beasts underneath the front we put on in public? Are we all monsters underneath? Just digging a little provides so many layers of depth that touch the adult mind. The child is scared of the monster under the bed, not the meaning behind the monster. An adult would likely brush off the monster's form and look deep into the message behind the ...