The Blog In Yellow

In the next week or so, after I write a certain character, I'm going to plan out my outline. I'm uncomfortable with the idea because I've never done it before. But like yesterday's Thurber House teacher said, "You can't fix an empty page." I'm planning to have my characters done in a few days so I can devote time to an outline. Let's pray it goes well.

When it came to make ghouls, I had a variety of ideas running through my head. The prominent unifying factor was that they all wanted to feed on human flesh whether dead or alive. The problem is that there isn't a unifying characteristic beside the unifying action. Obviously, I took inspiration from Lovecraft but also from an action/horror manga called Tokyo Ghoul. The protagonist turns into a ghoul after receiving an organ implant from the same ghoul that tried to eat him. This irony leads him to ghoul society and further adventures. Besides the desire for flesh, the ghouls have strange eyes, red I think, iron-like skin, super agility and a pair of tentacles that leap out of their back. Depending on what type they are, the tentacles come out of different spots on the back and in different forms.  But that's my issue, there's plenty to unifying these ghouls despite the differences. I should have been more selective with my categorization of my own ghouls. My ghouls vary wil...

Lovecraft is about master of letting your imagination get away. After reading a story you often think "what happened next?" Take "Pickman's Model" for example. The story ends with the narrator fleeing and the fate of Pickman unknown. Of course, Lovecraft would expound on Pickman's fate in his Kadath novel. Which is almost a detriment to the series. Perhaps the unknown is better. What do ghouls do? They eat flesh. The details don't matter to the story. Your mind will fill in if it's like a lion tearing at its prey or a buffet for a pack of beasts. That's the problem I'm facing. I'm making a ghoul who uses parts leftover. Almost like the Jeepers Creepers monster, a loathesome comparison. But if I describe what he does with the parts, it takes away the imagination.

I didn't get enough writing done today so I'm hoping this will calm my nerves. Yesterday I finished Crow Country. Its a psx graphics type Resident Evil clone. You play as Mara, a girl looking for answers in the titular Crow Country amusement park.  The park is broken up into several parts including an underwater world, a horror world, and an unfinished future world. I thought this to be a joke about cut content or how the future is bleak. That's one of the hidden themes of the game: a horrifying future. Or perhaps it was what the park owner saw that caused him to stop. The graphics are fantastic. It makes me long for the days of polygon models. It also speaks to the power behind the art style. You are tasked with shooting your way through Crow Country. You have a basic line up of pistol, shotgun, flamethrower and Magnum weapons. You have to spot ammo on the ground or find it in hidden places. The same goes for med kits and antidote bottles. You have to spot traps as well as...

I'm working on a character thst works in a bookstore who is a ghoul. I might cut out the ghoul part because I'm running out of ideas for how a ghoul hunts for food. That, and the dynamic of struggling to be human is getting boring. I've done that aspect four times with ghouls. But the bookstore worker is being more and more defined by the characters around her than internal aspects. Which makes her less like the other ghouls I've worked on. It's interesting because I've always thought characters were defined internally. It's a neat twist on development.

I'm often confused by stories that dont focus on the hero or have a main hero. Take Venture Bros for example which seems to deviate from the titles implied focus. I've only started watching the series which focuses on a bitter middle aged man named Rusty Venture who regrets the Johnny Quest style adventures he had with his father. He's joined by his sons Hank and Dean who always act as if they're in a Hardy Boys/ Scooby Doo mystery. Rounding up the cast is my favorite, Broc Sampson who's voiced by the impeccable Patrick Warburton who is a few hits away from being a full stereotyped Vietnam survivor psycho. Maybe it's me or the autism but I never got the joke behind the show. I didn't watch a lot of Johnny Quest or cared for Hanna Barbera's type of humor. It must be a good show because it got seven seasons, someone must be in on the joke. But I never felt like I could root for anyone but Broc which weirds me out since the show is titled after the boys.  A...

I have to remind myself that it's ok for characters to be "normal." I often look for the extremes to help define a character but...it's ok if they aren't crazy. Many of Lovecraft's characters are normal. The only one I can think of, at the time, that isn't normal is the narrator from The Hound who digs up graves for loot. Which, I assume isn't a normal occupation. They keep a macrebe museum of interesting things they found over the years. Strange habit to have, stranger is the way the narrator and his partner die. I'll talk more about The Hound later.

Many of The King in Yellow's themes tie to the Decadence Movement. The movement, spawned in France with the (argued) unintended influence of Edgar Allen Poe, can be summarized as art for art's sake. Why have a purpose? Why have a meaning? Literature, paintings, all forms were expressed for the sake of expression. Yet, there were themes that tied the works, such as the color yellow. Many art pieces featured golden colors and many aspects of the movement were catelogued and promoted in The Yellow Book. The movement can also be seen as a rejection of the previous generation's sense of morality. But in rejecting the previous standards and adopting a yellow icon, the movement became a symbol of its own. Ironically, a movement about not having a meaning, had a meaning. In a satirical sense we can see that in trying to reject the system, a system is made and that kind of horrifying satire is carried over to The King in Yellow.  It's like Robert Chambers is exposing what happen...

When Lovecraft and Poe no longer excited me, I dug into Wikipedia for more horror authors. At the library, I stumbled upon a comic book about Jack the Ripper by Rick Geary. I've heard about Jack but I never knew what he actually did. Seemed like a good way to satisfy my horror craving. It was a fascinating read and I began to search for other books of Geary's style. I came across H.H. Homes who started my interest in serial killers. It was a dark turn for me, almost like my emo stage. The only way to balance my emotions was with humor which I read voraciously.  Now that I'm going into ghouls and their lore, I'm feeling that familiar darkness again. Cannibalism seems to draw out my darker nature. It's not like meeting an old friend, it's more like an old flame. A former obsession that riled you up. A passion you forgot about and the potential turmoil it can cause you if you dive too deep.

I'm stressed and I know it am because I have a twitch in my right eye. It's always the back of my mind thats stressed. That part that can't stop worrying no matter how many pills I take. I need to figure out the story one way or the other.

I've been a fan of HR Gigers work since I watched the Dark Seed playthroughs. They're ga.es based off of Gigers art. He's mostly known for his Xenomorph design from the Alien series. There's a horrifying beauty to his work that I want to bring to my ghoul characters. It's the same horror I see in Tokyo Ghoul manga series. Beauty and deadly, such an interesting combination.

I've finished Grant and I'm now working in my next ghoul character. Several species of ghouls came out in the spitballing and i intend to use each one in one form or another. I've rediscovered the joy of research and writing characters. I can't wait to see what's next.

I think I'm almost finished with my new character who's a ghoul. A ghoul in the Lovecraftian sense. He burrows, eats flesh, and other ghoulish things. I'm not really satisfied with a character until I have an "a ha" moment. Some odd thing that makes the character complete, at least in my eyes. I call it "the odd note" technique something i picked up from game music composer Grant Kirkhope. He's the man behind the music for the Banjo Kazooie series, one of my favorite games.  I've noticed that as I'm building this character, I'm uncomfortable with him. Maybe the cannibalism aspect is easier to read about than write about. It takes me at least two to three days to get used to a character before I can move on. Maybe it's because I was so into Pacer and his development that I wasn't ready to change. Change is hard for me. It goes against my grain.  But maybe that's a good thing for writing. Going against my nature might bring good...

The aids told me they were glad I was here today. They even told my boss.

I've had trouble these past few days. My boss gave me a new assignment which threw me for a loop. Such a loop, that I took it out on my parents. That didn't help. The next day my friend didn't respond when I wanted to play Baldurs Gate 3. He must have been busy, but it still upset me. Today, my last hope, my writing partner, canceled on me. So I ask myself why I'm trying to be normal socially when everyone's dropping me. Not a fun weekend.