The Blog In Yellow

I mentioned earlier that I've been reading a book recommend by Stephen King and it's got its hooks in me. A down and out author works as a teacher with an unruly student. Said student has the best idea for a story ever, but dies leaving the teacher to finish (steal) the story. Written by Jean Hanff Korelitz, whom I've never heard of before, it explores all the doubts and fears writers have about their work. I'm only two fifths in but im fascinated by it. What im really interested in is the transitions into different scenes. I usually think in game logic in thst one needs to move from one place to another and each step needs to be accounted for. I forget thst you can fast travel, or skip to another scene three years later if you want. It's interesting because I can almost see the cuts made when editing the book and the rewriting process. It's like Jean, the writer, is saying "I need to cut this here, fix that." It makes for a flower that cuts into rathe...

It's been a rough couple of months. After returning from a writers retreat I was thrown off by sudden changes at work. Add to that the pain in my back and the write up I received from work, and you'll see I haven't been too happy. Spiritual comfort is hard, especially when your mind is in turmoil. I'm on new medicine that im adjusting to but I feel like im teetering off the edge. It's hard to share what youre feeling with others when you're afraid of letting out something that might hurt them.  I just have to adjust to this new medicine and maybe I'll be better. The hardest part, besides the fear of sharing, is this feeling of the absence of God. It's just really hard right now. 

I haven't been feeling well. My anger has spilled out before because I wasn't taking enough of the new medicine. Now im taking more but I feel weak. It'll take some time to adjust. I wonder if this is how Lingotti feels.

After three months or so I've returned for training with Thurber House. I'm interested in learning more but I feel anxiety take me. Will I be this famous some day? A writer who is remembered even long after his death? And why am I so obsessed with fame when I'm scared of groups of people? It's a conundrum for me. My own mind is playing tricks.   I  have to push forward and try again.  I wonder if I could write a short story in my own world. Something humorous.

My anti depressants have increased and feeling better. It's good but im worried about the rest of my mind. Let's get healthy first and then think about it. It's been good to get out of my head. Lately I've been tangled in this pit of thoughts about violence and obsessive revenge. Those thoughts still pop up but they're easier to dismiss. I'm glad for that.

Although this is one of Lovecraft's shorter stories, it has a similar impact of his longer works. The story revolves around a genealogist who takes shelter in a seemingly abandoned house to wether out an approaching storm. Inside, he finds a collection of antiques, books and furniture from before the Revolution. While searching through the books, he disturbs an old man who was sleeping upstairs.  The pair meet and the old man explains his fascination with the Regnum Congo, a survey of the Congo kingdom from the late 1500s. The old man explains his fascination with the book, especially the pictures. He claims that the book created a craving to attempt similar dark acts from the book, although he's never done so. The old man's lies are revealed when a splatter of crimson lands on the book. The narrator looks up to see a pool of red on the ceiling and realizes he's in a room with a hundred year old cannibal. Before either can act the storm destroys the house and the narrat...

I was having a bad day today today because I forgot to socialize yesterday. Work made all that better. I was told I was a Rockstar for doing my job so well. That made it all better. Have to remember to go to the library on my days off.

I've been meaning to write about this movie once I finished it. It was on my list of movies to watch and it probably should have stayed there. It's filled with inconsistencies and plot holes that could be overlooked if it was written or acted better. Instead, it comes off like a B movie trying to emulate an A movie. If feels like a Lovecraft fan film. The Void follows a cop who picks up a supposed junkie off the road and takes him to a hospital that's closing. I love these kids of set ups. Its easy to hide horrible events in small towns. Just ask Stephen King. After dropping off the addict strange things happen that force him and the locals to survive the night while a cult waits for them outside. The cop and the others fight through monsters and strange plot twists to prevent...something from happening. Let's start with the good first. The movie is well shot and has non cgi gore. I assume most of the effects were done with puppets and props rather than computers. It lo...

I've been talking to people on Facebook and other sites to get other information on the King in Yellow. As usual, i tend to give out too much information and get responses like "yep" and "okay." Short one note answers that dont help me. Does anybody want to dive deeper than one word sentences? Not on the internet. The days of long letters from Lovecraft's time are far over. But, it's still fun to get those occasional long answers and form a community. 

I've been reading a book recommend by Stephen King and I realized that I'm not enjoying it. It's not bad but it's not what I expected King to like. I was expecting it to be more in line with what King writes and I discovered that what a person writes and likes are different. King often speaks of Lovecraft so King's writing model and genre are similar. The book I'm reading is more of a thriller than horror and I've had to slow through some of it to get to what I considered the good parts. To be fair, this is coming off of me trying to reignite my interest for reading so I'm likely out of the habbit. Sometimes I think that because a person produces this, they must also like this. Thst might be a good idea for a character.

About a week ago I contacted a scholar who is an expert in Lovecraft stories. He's published several collections and I was hoping to pick his brain about my plot. Unfortunately, he's likely not what I'm looking for. He asked to see what I've written and then we could talk about "it's quality and sales potential." That's the problem, I haven't written anything yet. I've developed characters and made a quick outline but there's no page one. Or five. Or thousand. I wanted to contact someone who understood The King in Yellow or Lovecraft and talk about the structure of the novel to capture that same feeling I felt when reading Lovecraft. I'm not ready to write yet, no one understands my plight. It's just like highschool, I have ideas but not papers. Am I really a writer?  But, this is like freaking out about a speed bump and thinking I lost a tire. I can't have a panic attack over something like this.I t's just something to get ...

I've been trying to balance my writing with reading but I wasn't into it today. I've read books thst have truly held my interest but it seems I'm out of touch. Maybe I lack the imagination but I usually require a spark to get me going. Perhaps it was the wrong book, nor everything Stephen King recommends is my type.

I've been playing Elder Scrolls 4 Oblivion Remastered for about two weeks and I love it. Maybe love is too strong a word. It still has the jank the original had but with better graphics. The jank is part of the charm but would it hurt to update the code to prevent bigger issues? My biggest issue comes from the titular Oblivion levels. These are gateways to the hellish Oblivion realm thst pop up randomly in the game's world. Let me break it down. That's the first problem: Location. No matter where you go you will likely find these gates. The issue stems from having to drop what your doing and explore the gate. You aren't forced to stop but if you don't the gate will remain open until you enter and find a way to close it. That task is simple but the map is the problem. The in game map shows you what places you've discovered but not which gates you've closed. Now that I think about it, this is the issue for all areas on the map, it won't tell you what place...

Lovecraft starts his stories in realism.  A curious, but normal figure, starts in our realm and graduates to insanity. Most of Lovecraft characters are drawn by their curiosity and end up like the cat. Perhaps they can be brought back if "with strange eons, even death may die." But that is the scope of Lovecraft's introduction to the eldritch: curiosity. Monsters are facinating but there are other ways to introduce the terror that I'm hoping to apply to my own stories.  Lovecraft took pains to make his characters, or at least their interests, real. But it seems like he could only draw from his own pool of interests such as science or family history. What if he had taken interest in botany? Several stories written by other authors address the world of plants in the Eldritch realm. But nothing comes close to the original stories of indescribable gods.

Lovecraft's characters often meet an untimely end either via death, or worse, insanity. Likely conjuring images from his own father's demise, Lovecraft's stories tell us of our own fate: doom. Lovecraft didn't give his characters happy endings. Death was everywhere, madness always creeping in, and the protagonist would emerged changed, usually for the worse. We understand so little about Death, only that it is unpleasant and unyielding. Often personified, Death comes for us one day or the next. And yet we go on, pushing ourselves to make up some reason to live. In the Eldritch world, that perception is shattered by the vague monstrosities that stand in indifferent defiance of our quest. Monsters serve as a type of obstacle for the protagonist. Eldritch monsters, on the other hand, are apathetic to our existence. The same way we are detached from the insects we step on and the creatures we eat for our daily meals.  In stories, men often sought out gods and knowledge for ...

I've never noticed before how Lovecraft uses his style to document his works. His tales are often told through abandoned journals or the last words of the protagonist. Its a powerful mechanic that transforms his work to a new level. Anyone who has read Lovecrafts work comes to his stories expecting a change from the mundane reality to a supernatural one hidden under our own. Vetern readers enter knowing death or insanity will occur but not how or why. Lovecraft starts by painting a picture of our world and how we explore it through science, exploration, or other means just as we would with our own world. He shows us the average scholar, the humble farmer, or the ordinary man with the ordinary job in our ordinary life.  He then dabs in strange occurrences that causes us to pick up these ideas of a secret horror buried under the monotone. Circumstances that we could identify and understand and occurrences that could be passed off or ignored. And yet the protagonist dives deeper....

I got a write up yesterday for a vague reason. Its like a punch in the gut, especially after I gave up my free time to work on my day off. 

Lovecraft never finished school. From what I can tell he never went to college. After suffering a seizure at school (possibly related to his father's possible std) he never went back. It seems like school was tough on Lovecraft, except for subjects he enjoyed. I've seen smart people flunk out of school or college. I could argue about the issues with our system but through some miracle, I, an autistic individual, made through it. I feel a kinship there with Lovecraft. I know how hazard the school system can be even today. It's a wonder i made it but if I were to offer some encouragement to anyone reading, if I can make it so can you.

 I'll be writing this one based on my notes so it may get a little weirder from my usual writing. I've been doing research on the lesser-known gods and Daoloth showed up on my list. He's another god based on the works of Ramsay Campbell, one of my favorite Eldritch authors. I've already heaped praises on his story "The Tugging" which I thought was a fantastic story. But it all depends on the frame of mind and my mind wasn't well when I read it yesterday. I found this short story to be a little weaker than Campbell's usual work.  A man named Gillson waits for the cab in the rain and picks up the last cab of the night with another man named Fisher. First, I'd like to point out their strange similar names. "Gillson?" "Fisher?" Was Campbell thinking of fishing at the time or is it me? Fisher invites Gillson to see a ritual he's has recreated from his time in a strange cult. Intrigued, Gillson agrees and they stop off at Fisher...

Not going to beat myself up today. It was a day of rest after five days of hard work. I deserve it.

This short story by Frank Belknap Long is better than anything I've read by Clark Ashton Smith. It follows a man who experiments with psychiatric drugs to induce time travel. Across time and space he encounters the Hounds that "scented" him and chase him through time. The man uses plaster to seal up the corners in his room for the beasts can only travel through angles of time while we exist in the curves. Of course, something happens. An earthquake shakes the foundation and the plaster falls off. The man is found with his blood drained and humid decapitated head resting on his chest. We never find out if his plaster actually stopped the beasts or if he was doomed from the start. I know little of Einstein and his theories on time and space but the concept is facinating. Like most of Lovecraftian stories, this one dives into unexplained lore as the man experiences time travel. He seems to enter the bodies of different people  from slaves to kings. Whether this is our past o...

I was watching comic writer Alam Moore talk about how to design characters. That bushy Brit is one of my favorite comic writers. With the exception of Watchmen, everything he does is great. For context, I didn't like what happened to Rorschach in the story and everybody talks about Watchmen. It's a good story but it's been talked to death. Moore states the three dimensions of characters are good and evil, one, characters with flaws, two, and characters that think the story is about them, three. I think a master would know how to use these levels. For me, it's like the super ego is the good and bad characters. It's one part of a dimension such as Golden Age Superman and Lex Luthor. Why does Luthor do evil? Because he is evil. No reason. Better still, it's like the Emperor from Star Wars. He's pure evil without a cause. Id would be the second layer, referring to what a character wants. Ben Grimm or The Thing from Fantastic Four hates his powers and wants to be...

Sometimes I feel I'm not me but another personality. It reminds me of Carl Jung's idea of different personalities. The idea of multiple changes in a personality is fascinating. For Lovecraft, he takes on a more twisted approach. The idea of something foreign overwriting you is a scary thought. It's likely tied to Lovecraft's more...racial beliefs with a new society changing the old one. I'm talking about the Great Race of Yith and thier ability to over take a person's mind. True terror comes from a real fear, Lovecraft feared, and hated, cultural takeover by other races. What better way than to steal your mind from you? Its a dark thought which is what makes it so good. One my end, i don't believe that different cultures are a bad thing. But then again I live in the USA where cultures tend to blend, at least in certain areas. I know of genocides happening over racial and cultural divides and of the current culture war happening in America in the online space...