Fool

Darn it, darn it, darn it! I'm such a fool. I forgot that Lovecraft is about the subtle, unknowing, unspeakable horror. Not the monsters. Here i am writing about a girl with a connection to Yog-sothoth when the question about what she is connected to should be the story. The less she knows the better. The big reveal at the end of The Shadow Over Innsmouth is about the protagonist discovering his connection to the Marsh family and the people of Innsmouth. His heritage is the horror along with his hideous acceptance of the fact. 

Why doesn't my brain get this? Just because I see the game being played doesn't mean I know how to play. I watch poker all the time and I have a basic understanding of the rules. To put that into writer context I can see the subtlety George Martin weaves in his stories but I don't know how he's doing it. I see the small details thst add up to defining a character, from Tyrion's love of whores to his quest for knowledge. It all adds up to a definition for the reader in a way that tells you without explaining it. Thers a deeper level he's playing at, a game within in the game and I'm just playing on the surface level. In fact, I'm obsessed with the surface. I'd rather have tentacles come out of my characters than the real depth. 

And that's the other problem: I want to create that kind of story. I enjoy books about characters on a surface level. It's so tempting to write that way because it's so easy. So, very, easy. But while that's more fun, that's not what I want to create. I want to wow myself, go beyond my abilities. I want depth to my heroes without the tentacles. 

What brought this on? A video called "How Signalis Perfects Lovecraftian Horror" by Filmotter. Fil has the same problem i have with Lovecraftian horror games, it's that they focus more on the monsters than on the real horror. They focus on the surface level and miss the forest for the trees. The video doesn't really explain it but it makes so much sense. Signalis is a horror game based in Lovecraftian horror minus the cultists, monsters and gods. It's more about how pulling at the fabric of reality, learning about things you shouldn't, can cause you to lose your grip. It's brilliant, meanwhile, I'm focusing on which character belongs to which lineage. It's like I'm painting with my fingers while this game is sculpting a masterpiece. You little fool, John. How long does it take for your autistic brain to get it? No wonder those other game and stories fail to appease my appetite. They fail to see below the surface. That's why Lovecraft's friends don't write as well. That's why you only see the claw of the monster god in Stephen King's "Revival.' The horror wasn't the monster but the breaking of reality. Darn it, darn it, darn it.

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