TPA 37

I wasn't going to write today. I wanted a day off. I've already forgotten my exercises and I think I'd rather be doing those than writing today. Yesterday was a bit of an up day. Before I talk about my therapy session, I need to talk about my supervisor at work. She asked if she could do anything for me and I started talking about one of our residents who I had trouble with. I had talked to the nurse supervisor earlier about this resident and was brushed off. The resident was "helping" me with cleaning up plates which sounds good but in reality I want to be left alone and his "help" only makes it worse. If he dumped the food before putting the plate on the sink that would be one thing but he takes plates full of food to the sink which I have to take back to the garbage can and dump. So, it adds more work to my workload. The nurse supervisor seemed to be in a mood which is rare, he's such a happy guy most of the time. After talking to my other supervisor she got a nurse involved which freaked me out because I thought I was in trouble. My sup didn't know that I had an altercation with that resident a while back. He had threatened me after I had told him to not step on the wet floors. I had let nurses on the floor but they aren't eighty year old men walking with a cane. I had my mop ready so I was prepared to defend myself. I wasn't going to hit but I was going to block anything he threw at me. The nurses stepped in and stopped him before he got violent but I was agitated enough that I knew better than to trust him. One of the nurses theorized that it's his real personality coming out. The mask that people usually put on? It's disintigrated. Now we see the real human beneath. Now we see the real persona. What a nasty old man. My supervisor heard about this and talked to me about it. I told her that I didn't know that altercations with patients were supposed to be categorized. She seemed to be on edge but that might have been due to how we lost a resident after she choked during dinner the night before. She died because there wasn't an aid or nurse on the floor at the time. Where were they? I told them that I've noticed that I'm often alone when I serve food. There's two kitchens in which we serve food and the farther one is where all the nurses gather to talk and shoot the breeze. I know that they do a lot of good work and I'm not bergruding their effort, but, they need to do more. So do I if I think about it. I shouldn't have to defend myself in my own blog so this is kind of funny. I'm glad that my supervisor told me about how to report something if another incident crops up. I need a quick break. 

That was longer than I thought. I've been watching more of Vox Machina and it's grown on me a bit. Like a weed. It's interesting how something you don't like can grow on you. But nevermind that. 

I wanted to talk about the revelations I had with my therapist. He had me do this exercise where I looked into an inner mirror. First, I would look at a creation, something I made up or someone I knew. I would see all their flaws and traits, their strengths and downfalls and I would wish them something good. I picked my Nicholas character from KIY and I wished him peace, love, and understanding. Peace for his heart, someone to love him, and understanding of what is happening to him. Then I did the same to myself and wished the same thing. Especially understanding because I wish to understand why this or that is happening to me. I feel like if I feel that I understand something that I'll be at peace. I panic when I feel like I don't understand something or that I don't have the right information.

The second thing that hit me really hard, in a good way, was what my theraptist said about the path of life. He said that "an interruption isn't a failure." It's easy to think and stress over a mishap or a detour but a little detour won't hurt you. It might help your story. I think I learned that from Vox Machina.