TPA 61 Monster two

Second monster. I posted a story I wrote years ago about the running of the bulls called "Encierro." It's a special story to me because it was the first time I wrote like Stephen King describes as "fire coming out the end of a comet." It felt amazing, page after page of pure imagination. I thought I had something there. And then I post it online and I get two reviews that say that I need to work on my grammar and that my characters sounded flat. I was devastated. Yes, it was a first draft but one that I knew had potential. I took a bunch of photos from online and did no research on the real running of the bulls. I only knew that Hemmingway liked it. Later on I did a little more research to tighten up the story but most of it came from the well in my mind. I was so proud of it and to have it destroyed like this almost made me want to stop writing. Why didn't they see what I saw? I saw the hard work that went behind this story, the pure joy in creating something from scratch. Usually I went by the pictures I used for inspiration, one of which was of a guy holding up a bull on his shoulder with one arm. I knew this was impossible so I changed the story a bit to make it more realistic. I even added this scene where the guy jammed a bullet into the bulls eye to get away from it. Some told me I was brilliant for calling this a "bulls eye." I didn't realize I had done that. But after hundreds of attempts at writing, I had something that was great and someone wrote it off as basic. What a blow. I don't think I wrote anything the next day. I think it was on critique circle which means I still have the "reviews" still there. I still think about those words "You need to work on your grammar." To add salt to the wounds, he said it was great if I was hispanic and this was my first time writing English. So I'm so bad that I sound like I'm a foreinger. Ouch. I wonder if I posted it now if I'd get different results. I loved the story so much that I brought it to one of my writing classes and presented it there. I had the longest story, of course. Humble brag. But it the class gave me better reviews although most of them were two to three worded reviews like "Nice" and "I liked it." Very helpful.

So what does this person look like? A shadow hunched over my shoulder whispering dark thoughts into my ears. Red eyes aglow with menace perhaps. And long tendrils for fingers that wrap around my hands and throat choking off my creativity. I don't know if I can ever get over those words but I'll try. I know the guy didn't try to be mean. I think I understand that, but it still hurts to this day. It haunts me. It's a monster that pops up when my guard is down. Unlike the troll monster, this one waits for me in the dark. This monster preys on my insecurities. It doesn't feast on me, it gnaws on me like a little rodent slowly bitting away at some wood. Slowly pulling a structure apart until it falls away. What a nightmare of a little rodent. It's big though, hovers over me and despite it's size it takes small bites. It's a feast that must be enjoyed slowly. Wretched creature or my imagination, be gone. 

 I recall I was in my sister's old room when I read the review. It hit me that perhaps this wasn't the masterpiece that I thought it was. That happens sometimes. I know that Harlan Ellison only worked on "I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream" for a couple of days and that's his most famous story. That happens. Sometimes your favorite work isn't your best. I'm going to take a break. I need to think about monster three.