TPA 68 Artist's Way Checkup

It's been a week since I started this program and I've been trying to stay on track with it. I got everything finished even if the last part was embittered by my fight with my folks. It's too cold and my anger only makes it worse. I haven't spoken to either of them for almost 24 hours. That's my punishment to them. It's childish, I should forgive them, but I don't want to and I'm going to let the childish side win.

I met with my aid today and got some stuff done with her. I think that having her around does help out because otherwise I'll skip out of doing the things I need to get done. I'm sure that more blurts will come out as I write and remember. That's okay, I can just add them to the list and twist them into a positive. I did the three pages every day as requested even if I didn't write them short hand. I didn't show up for the artist's date though so that's a bummer. I think what inspires me is when I go onto art sites like Pinterest. I learned about this site from one of my teachers. I'm always in this area where I'm older than a lot of people but I'm learning from them. I'm never in a position of power or authority. Guess it's not in me to lead. The biggest issue in my recovery is this new idea in my head that it's always my fault that bad things happen. I'm working on it a bit but it feels like it's my fault. I can thank my parents for that feeling. I just don't learn do I? It's probably the impulsiveness that comes from my autism. How do I admit it's my fault without admitting it? Next, I'll be reading week 2 of The Artist's Way and learn how to recover my sense of identity. I think this will help me if I can ever forgive my parents.

Changing subjects, I'm restarting a game I stopped playing a while back. It's called "Stasis: Bone Totem." It's a horror game with an isometric view as you play a husband and wife trying to salvage a ship with no crew aboard. I've only played the first chapter but there are lots of secrets for those who like looking around. It's strange to me but I do enjoy that kind of gameplay but only in Bethesda type games. For example, there's a checkerboard in Fallout 3 where the users made pieces out of bottlecaps. These caps are the currency in Fallout. It's not like the board is out in the open and you have to pick up each bottle cap individually. It's a pain but you can do it if you want. I always pick up the caps and add almost twenty caps to my count. A minimal amount of cash, so why do I do it? I think it's because I can do it and it reminds me of picking up junk off the floor at my old school. It's a good memory from a bad time. So why don't I like this kind of poking around? It's because the game is hiding a secret. It's the same reason I don't like how Signalis hides something in the game. You have to know to carry around a certain item to reveal a secret. In Signalis, it's this eye add on that can reveal secrets. I hate it when I miss something and I don't have the option to go back and find it. It makes me feel like I'm stupid or that I missed out on something. So these secret things in Bone Totem, what do they do? I don't know yet but if I hafve to I'll do my best to find out. Even if that means using a guide. I'll write more about this game once I've played it.

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