TPA 74 Work Issues

A lot of good happened yesterday. At work I saw that the schedule had changes which caused me some concern. I sent the updated dates to my folks who were as concerned as I was. There was clearly a communication error when I was working more than two days in a row. I get stressed if I work more than two days in a row. It's due to my medicine. I've been adjusting to the new dose which is keeping me sane but interrupting my sleep. But the issue isn't my sleep but how much work I can handle at a time. Two days on, one day off was our agreement but yesterday the schedule had me working on a day when I was getting a tooth implant.Technically I could come in that day with a busted mouth but I thought it would be better if I let myself heal for a day. I told my boss this and she agreed but seemed to be a little upset. I hate it when she's upset, it makes it hard to talk to her. I'm in mortal fear of upsetting people or letting them down. I went back to my job having the tooth day taken off but I felt bad for dropping the date on my boss. It haunted me so much that I decided to use a technique my therapist called "the half apology." It's a way of breaking ground with someone and admit some fault to the problem to ease into a solution for both parties. The example my therapist used was from a book where the author went to his neighbor to ask if their music could be turned down. The author introduced himself and apologized to the neighbor and said the issue was partially his fault for having sensitive ears. The two agreed to keep the music at a more tolerable level and the author went home. I applied the same technique to my situation. I was scared though. She's not the type to yell or fire me, but I felt like I was letting her down. So, when I took back the food to the kitchen, I approached her. I appologized for messing up the schedule and asked if we could come to an agreement so that this didn't happen again. You see, when I usually talk to her, it's about the schedule and my concerns with it. I need certain days off for therapy and time to hang out with friends but that's hard to explain to your boss. I started with an apology stating that I should have been more clear when I asked her the day before for more work days. She accepted my apology but seemed to be a little off put by it. Not because I was in the wrong, but because she felt I didn't have anything to apologize about. She felt it was an honest mistake and instructed me to fill out a form about days I needed off. I told her I wanted to be dependable and she stopped me and told me not only was I dependable but that I was better than the image I was painting of myself. I've always thought of myself as a let down at work and she assured me that I was important. She said that she was grateful that I had asked for specific days to work and that I had shown up on time and ready to work without complaints. If I had any issues, I was quick to point them out to her so that she could take care of them. She told me she liked it when I and the rest of the staff communicated with her. At other jobs, I always felt like I was letting people down for not showing up on time or missing a day. I felt like I had to dedicate a lot of myself to the "cause" if you will and that my life was supposed to revolved around the job's needs, not the other way around. I feel that because I need certain...helps due to being autistic, that I'm demanding too much. It's easy for me to see myself becoming too whiny or dependant, like a person in a wheelchair asking to have his legs moved so he can walk around.That's the best metaphor I can think of. It's ridiculous and while companies should be willing to offer them a chair, they won't have someone move their legs around for them. Sometimes I feel like that person. I feel that a person should try to bend a little backwards for the job they work at, not the other way around. You bend for the job because they pay you, not because they treat you. Going back to what I was saying earlier, the issue was resolved and now I feel I'm on better standing grounds with my boss. I think I can approach her from now on when I have issues. I told my parents about this and they applauded me for taking such a situation into my own hands. At first, I thought it would be better if my folks spoke face to face with my boss to explain my situation. They were even ready to ask my psychiatrist to get me a work release order so I could keep my two days on, one day off schedule. I also fixed that part. My boss thought that I wanted two days on, two days off. I explained that she was incorrect and that I only needed one day off. I also told her that I would provide her with a schedule of what days I needed off. That seemed to work for both of us. I went to thinking of my parents because communication is hard for me and frightens me. I'm putting myself in a vulnerable position because it's hard to explain the issues you have or explain autism to someone. Thankfully, I didn't have to explain autism or go too deep into why I needed certain days off. With that settled, I have to map out the days that I need off so that I can have that time for myself. I'm proud of myself for taking care of my needs and my own situation without needing my folks' help. I think God is working in me, just like in the "vision" I saw.