The Goddamned God

I looked up posts about people mad at God and took thier advice. I yelled at God, cursed him, and berated him. Then I looked at the Bible. There's even Psalms about God abandoning his people. I bet you Psalty the songbook wouldn't have sung those verses. So I cursed the God thst had abandoned me, swearing to do all I could to hurt him. And here's the thing, I felt better. That hole in my soul? It healed. For a bit. Then I took back my pain. I refuse to let God heal or help me. Now he helps? After my requests did nothing? I have a right to my anger at him and I'm going to keep it. In fact, I became angrier than before. I called him the goddamned God. He can smite me if h3 wants but theres no understanding between us. There's no great plan God has for me. If I get out of Hell it's by myself. There's no one walking with me nor do I want someone. Let's test the "Lord" and see if he can reach me when I pull back. He has to respect my free will. So if I rise out of this pit of poverty and lack of success, it will be by my hand, not his. I'm covering up the sign in my house that declares that God knows the plans for me. I dont want His plans, I'll fi d my own. 

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