Toll

I can't survive like this. I'm torn inside. I feel like I want to go back to God but I also want to punish him. I felt and still feel abandoned. Like someone who puts on a show of leaving but wants the other to follow. I'm so full of pride, anger, and childishness that I make myself sick sometimes. But I have to have some spiritual footing inside or I'll lose it. It takes a toll on me.

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