No Help

I doubt this will help. I'm so mad right now that if my parents were to die I wouldn't care. I'm in so much mental pain right now. The psychiatrist doesn't care, my parents don't care, "god" doesn't care. I tried, I really did. But now I'm just a ball of anger. I can feel it coming back. That next of wasps in my head, red like the setting sun. So much anger and fury inside of me. And I don't know where it's coming from. I had a meltdown last night and no one could help me. My parents tell me they love me which is what you say to a dying child. You can't help them, you can only watch them die on the bed. That's what life is, it's a pointless trek through pain and misery. Thank god I don't have kids or they'd go through this too. I'm so wrapped up in anger I can barely think straight. My story is going no where, just like my life. Everything ended after high school. There's no protection for me, no support, nothing. I told "god" if he really cared that he'd kill me right now. There's no purpose in my life. I see these pastors, these liars get on stage and tell tall tales. Why am I so filled with anger? I'm obsessed with revenge. I feel like I want to kill someone. That the bloodshed will somehow drain me of my anger. Why did "god" curse me like this? Why do I have to suffer so much?

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