Post Fury

I feel like I have to clean up after a volcano erupted. All that's left is heat and scars. Why was I so angry last night? I can't think of my parents, just not right now. I want to hurt them somehow and I don't know why. Why do I want to hurt my parents? I can't answer that. Actually, part of me can. They mock everything I like from games to anime. That's still not a good reason to want to hurt them but it's some excuse my brain came up with at three am. I can still feel the anger underneath, waiting to burst out on someone. 

Moving on, I played that Lovecraft game I mentioned and I'm thinking of returning it. In fact, I just did return it. It's fifteen bucks worth of things I've played before. You have to navigate through the void in space to attack Eldritch enemies that look like giant eyeballs. It's not scary which I knew going in that it wouldn't be, but I expect some kind of chill to go down my spine when I play these types of games. Let me feel something. I don't feel anything right now. 

I just talked to my parents and we came up with some solutions for avoiding those meltdowns. We think it has to do with pain and hunger. I guess I'm not me when I'm hungry, as the ad goes. I hate Snickers. So gross. Maybe some IcyHot would help for my back. Lots of ideas to help out when there's a meltdown like that, so few solutions. I just want to get back to normal. I wasn't always angry like this when I was on my old medication. I don't know what to do. Neither do my parents which should scare me more. When your parents don't know what to do, you're scared. It's like losing a pillar in your belief in reality. Then the rest collapses. 

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