TPA 74 Visions?

My mom and I practiced this technique of listening to the Spirit. It's demonstrated by these people who make this series called Perfected by Blood. They're a couple from Iran who were converted to Christianity and share what they've learned on a streaming service. Today's example was to use an image we had made in out minds of a tree. My tree, for some reason, was 2D. It was a cardboard cutout of a tree that you would see on a stage for a play. In other words, it was an effigy. A false tree standing in the wind. I imagined that a few weeks ago but we restarted our meetings so I had to be reminded about the image I conjured. The instructions were to basically go with the image and see what else was revealed to us. I thought it sounded like new age nonsens but I went with it just for laughs. And it was funny, to me at least. Mom said that she imagined a fire and someone singing Cumbaya my Lord. The song just popped into her head she said. As for me, my tree was soon surrouned by a river. I told her I had watched this video about this guy explaining the river patterns in a game called The Witcher 3. The video showed how the developers must have thought about this river bank because it had trees that were submerged due to flooding and a slope of mud. I thought it was the most interesting and boring thing I had ever heard. I even wrote that I thought so in the comments. It was amusing to me that someone would waste their time focusing on river and bank patterns in a video game where you can go slay monsters and have an adventure. Why concern yourself with how the water if flowing? This made me think of a picture I saw online about how these river islands are made. When a river flows, it cuts through the ground and twists and turns. Sometimes it makes these islands, these pieces of land that are seperated from the rest of the land. What happens is that a bend in the river will pinch over time and cut off the the land. Think of it like an S shape where the lower end connects making it like a 6. Scientists used to think that this was caused my man's intervention. Either someone dug up the pinch or something that man did caused the river to do this. They recently discovered that the river can make the pinch naturally without man's influence which was facinating. I don't know why that stuck in my head, but it did and I told my mom about it. At the same time, I was thinking about how the cardboard cutout tree in my head was being blown over and a small tree was growing in it's place. There's no where else ot put this so I'll put it here, I also imagined a piece of paper that had "For John" written on it with flowing penmanship. On it was a list of three points that I couldn't make out. All this happened right after a stressful situation where my mom and I were trying to upload documents to reinstate my foodstamps. I woke up at eight this morning and called the services to find out why I haven't received my food stamps yet. And now that it's resolved, probably, I'll have to call them tomorrow and make sure they got it which means another hour and a half of waiting. Mom even prayed before we started our online sermon and asked that God would give us peace because working on government stuff always stressed her out. Right now, were waiting on results for my disability approval. If I don't get them, we'll have to get another lawyer. This is the third or fourth time we've applied for disability and the second or third time that we've used a lawyer. I don't want to say any more about that. But my mom was impressed with my "vision." I'm not open to calling it that because of my over hyperness when it comes to that kind of stuff. When you're a young Christian, you think you'll get all the abilities and there's no maturity behind it. I made a fool of myself a few times thinking I had a vision when really it could have come from my imagination. Once, I thought I saw an angel harvest a bunch of grapes from the only unwilted grapevine in a vineyard with a scythe. He dropped them into a well where blood burst from the grapes and then it was revealed that I was the angel. See what I mean? Too edgy to be from God, but I was in an edgy mood back in my teen years. I'm warry of believing in things because I don't want to be disappointed. I don't want to have to worry about food but I have to. I don't want to worry about disability but it may or may not go through. What do I do when I can't trust my own faith? I also worry about my goals and dreams coming true and I fear that I'm putting too much faith in a God that hasn't healed my eyes or fixed my autism. What should I believe? I dont'want to fool myself or be let down again. It feels like God chooses to not let me get disability or have a full time job which is like Joseph being stuck in prison for something he didn't do. I don't know if I can hear the voice of God.