3 Pages Attempt Again 8

This is a warm up. I'm going to write this and then work on the first chapter of Cain. I've found a site to post my work. I'm hoping this takes some of the sting out of the inner critic. I'm feeling him today. Right now I'm on the phone with my psychiatrist asking about an open time. Looks like...we've got it all worked out. She's hoping a medicine change will help my mental state. Maybe I should stop writing for a while and see if my mental health gets better. 

Before that, there's a few things I wanted to write about. I was thinking about The Shining again and I found a chapter that struck me. I don't know why it struck me but my mind was thinking about areas where Jack was being misogynistic towards Wendy. There's a scene around the middle fo the book where the three of them are snowed in the Overlook. Wendy and Jack have had a bit of an argument after Danny went into room 217, or 237 if you're talking about the movie. The book never tells us what happened in the room but King let's our imagination go with what he describes. A dead woman waits for little Danny in the tub. King gives a visceral description of her decaying body, a sight that causes Danny to flee. When he can't get out, by his own hastiness, the woman manages to wrap her fingers around Danny's neck. Somehow the boy is able to escape the room and runs to his folks. Wendy immediately assumes it was Jack who caused the bruise marks on Danny's neck. This leads her to hide away from Jack with Danny in another room while Jack contemplates how he got to this point. If you remember the scene from the movie where Jack interacts with Lloid, this is it. Jack imagines downing several Martians in his head as he thinks about coming off the wagon. Danny eventually snaps out of his catetonic state and declares that it was "her." Jack's eyes immediately go to Wendy thinking that she did this to their son. And for a moment, he relishes the shoe being on the other foot. After Jack inspects the room and has his own scare, the three of them settle down for the night. Wendy begs Jack to take them off the mountain and Jack, reasonably, explains the difficulties in doing that. The snow has them trapped and Wendy can't "Snowshoe for beans" which means he would have to leave her behind and carry Danny down the mountain in the middle of the coldest weather they've seen in the state. While he is doing this, he starts to sex her up. Slowly he careses her and touches her in ways to get her ready for sex. I found this scene odd because of the importance of what the pair are discussing. Is Jack trying to calm his wife down with sex? Is this the misogyny that I missed from the wiki? Jack doesn't outright dismisses Wendy's concerns, in fact, he has issues of his own with the hotel. Jack promises to try to find a solution since he accidentally destroyed the radio which was their only communication to the outside world. Jack eventually does find a snow mobile which he sabotages at the behest of the hotel. This scene of Jack trying to seduce Wendy during a moment of crisis caught me off guard. I'm not sure why this struck me as such a strange moment but it stuck in my brain like gum.

Moving on, I've been attaching myself to God more often with prayer and spending time in the presence. When I try to get a picture from God or whatever, I push back against it just in case it's my mind playing tricks on me. If it pushes through, it's probably from God. Yesterday was particulary good because it felt like a warm blanket on me, in the summer. So I think I'm starting to get this Spirit thing down, just a bit.

I have a coworker who is struggling. She claims she's got stage three liver disease. She's in her fifties and the doctor says if she wants to live to be sixty she needs to cut down on the booze. I tried everything with her. I tried to get her to exchange phone numbers so we could be accountabuddies but she shot me down. I also tried offering her some comfort because there isn't much I can do besides pray. I think that because she's been verbally abused so much in her life (she's a little off) that it's hard for her to trust people. I joke with her but only to make her laugh, never to hurt her. I get that it's hard for some people to accept help but I don't know what else to do. She told me she had a nightmare where she was in a hospital bed, paralyzed by her liver disease. I don't know how to help someone who's so afraid of dying. That's one of the good things about the residents I work with, they rarely have the mental capacity to be afraid of death. 

That's enough for the warm up. I'm going to take a break and work on Cain next.