Self Update

I've been on Lithium for two days now and I don't feel better. I know that this is to get my body adjusted to the stuff but I'm impatient. I'm used to my drugs taking effect in a couple of minutes, not days. I noticed that as you get older the more people around you suffer. They age, or the things they did as a kid catch up with them. Like bad eating habbits or drinking problems. One way or another, we all pay. It makes me wonder what I'll have to pay for when I'm older. I'm almost thirty eight, still young, but getting up there in the years. You start to wonder what you're friends from highschool and college are doing. Are they ok? Did they make their dreams come true? You think about a lot of that stuff. I'm too young for self reflection. Lately, I've been upset with myself. I'm not enjoying things like I used to. Movied, games, books, they hold no interest for me. I've become disinterested in games and I don't have the stamina for movies. I just want the dopamine fix right away so I can burn out and crash. Instead I find myself fighting to stay awake so I don't sleep the day away. Is this what existence is? This misery? Hopefully the Lithium kicks in soon and I'll start to feel better.

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