The Blog In Yellow

I didn't think I'd get through this one. Adam was hard to make but I did it. Now on to the other characters. I always do this to myself, I say they'll only be a few characters and I end up making more than needed. Maybe I can kill off some. Back to work. 

Romance often seems like the end rest for my characters. That's fine, natural even. But the problem is I think there needs to be more friendship rather than straight to romance. Take my Adam character for example. He didn't click until I added a rival, Verena. But given they are male and female rivals, the attraction is already given. In fact, several of my characters have romantic inclinations. Which is fine because they are teenagers. But I wonder if romance is the only final destination in a relationship. I need more drama and breakups. Something to think about.

This project started off as a test of my writing ability. Could I actually write a book? This idea was to be tested with the KIY book. But then it became a series and then I dove into the lore and I couldn't just let it be a test book. It beceme so personal, so precious that I wanted it to succeed. It's fragile and delicate. Now it's on such a high alter I wonder if I can bring it to the place I want it to be. I heard that as you create the farther away the work will be from that perfect place. Can I accept that? It feels like I'm playing piano with oven mitts. I'm sure I'm going to miss a few keys, but am I OK with that? Maybe that's why people don't write because they know it won't come out right. I'm scared. I want this to be perfect and the autism isn't helping. 

I suppose I should tell this tale. When I was in college I saw a review for Fallout 3. It enthralled me. The idea of exploring a nuclear wasteland appealed to me. I wanted to buy 1 and 2 and play those first but dumped the idea when I found out they were only on pc. So 3 it was. I was on campus at the time at Wright University so my PS3 sat collecting dust at home. I only got to play it for a weekend before I had to travel back to school. While on campus I studied the lore on the wiki which made me want to play even more. Finally summer break came and I spent two weeks exploring every cranny of Fallout. I had to stop several times because of the depressing aura of it all. The game tried to pass off the world with some dark humor but it still wore on me. After I got over that depression, I found my true love in exploring. Every piece told a story. You might find a gun under someone's bed or discover drugs hidden in a tin can. The game rewarded the same curiosity I had when I was in ...

I've been meaning to do a review on the creepy Fears to Fathom series. I have four of the five episodes and now seemed like a good time to get a quick scare in. Each episode is about a scary event told on Reddit or another site where a strange occurence took place. In this case it was a home invasion. I'll admit, I didn't survive the first time, the intruder made me jump twice. An unexpected jump scare but a well-timed one. I can't fault the game too much, it took less than ten minutes to play. Simple, to the point, no fat, I should commend the dev for such a short game. I'm looking forward to seeing what happens in the other episodes.

I've been feeling this strange energy bouncing around inside of me. I haven't felt this way since I was in high school. Usually it meant I was overloaded with Adderall, like I was overflowing. This is usually bad because I can't focus. I hope I can get some stuff done today.

I saw the Yellow Sign. Four days ago in a celebration of suds and soap i saw that strange question mark symbol in my sink. It's a signal to me. I have to keep going.  I know, I'm being silly. But it did look like the sign. 

I'm searching for a reason why Adam would dare to stick his nose into the Eldritch world. It can't just be curiosity can it? There must be something that attaches him to the forbidden. Something that nails him to this world without him knowing. I'm just jabbing right now. I need to focus.

I'm working on a new character who erases his mind after confronting eldritch beings and situations to keep himself sane. Sanity is one of the few luxuries in this world thst my characters cling onto. When I was in highschool, I often took the yearly appraisement tests (the ACT or SAT or whatever) by myself. This was done to cut on distractions in a crowded room. I didn't mind, it was neat to have the room to myself. Except there was another kid who also took the test in a seperate room, Adam. I remember him being the fastest runner in our grade. I remember taking my tests one day and I see him there waiting for the exam. I was surprised, I thought I was the only one with a problem. Later, I learned he had issues with reading and needed a specialized test. It was neat to learn I wasn't alone.   Back then, disability was "frowned" upon more than it is today. For the record, I wasn't upset at being different. Outwardly, I thrived on it. But looking back, perhaps...

I had plenty to write about today but one of the washers at my job broke down so I'm in a foul mood. I've been looking at why my characters go on these adventures I'm writing and it doesn't match up with Lovecrafts ideas. Most of his characters are motivated by seeking out knowledge but that's not enough for my purposes. I need to look deeper if my plots are to have an effect.

Thank God for the internet. My research can continue now that i have access to more of Ramsay Campbell's collections. How did people research before the internet? Books are great but you spend a long time looking for what you need. Although I should say I spent an exhaustive hour looking for Campbell's Cold Print and Demons by Daylight. Usually I'll look up and audiobook to listen to on the way to work but it seems Amazon (and others) aren't interested in preserving books. It's a sad thing when books are left to rot.  My interest in Campbell's is his contributions to Lovecraft lore but Campbell's has his own interesting worl that I'll likely revisit after I'm done (if ever) with Lovecraft. I shouldn't say that. There's plenty of time for me to create RTF and KIY. I'll be the next Stephen King and pump out a couple books a year.  Anyway, back to the grind. 

I've read several of Smith's works and his contributions always seem more akin to adventures than the usual fanfare of Lovecraft. Perhaps that was what Lovecraft enjoyed about Smith, a change in perspective. Lovecraft's own stories are more about trips into an insane world while Smith's remind me of the scifi adventures of the time. The Charnel God is of the Zothique cycle and takes place on the last continent on Earth with the same name. It follows Phariom who tries to rescue his unconscious bride Elaith from the hands of the story's namesake Mordighian. I enjoyed the imagery Smith's paints from the robbed ghouls in their purple robes and silver skull masks to the ordinary people who are impossible to differentiate their sex due to their robes. There's a rich, futuristic world here, where mankind has forgotten all the technologies we've made and reverted to the age of horses and camels. As Phariom tries to find his bride he sees his wife's near dopp...

Im still feeling wonky, so I decided to play some games. Am I the only one who knows about "Gloom?" It's a simple rogue game having you fight random monsters and boss encounters. Like most rogues you lose everything after you die. You are trapped in an endless dream of shadows and silhouettes. And boy, is this game not fun. I'll be honest, I usually despise rogues and this game is one of the reasons. Cheap shots often take me down and to lose all progress is heartbreaking to the point of numbness. You'd think the worst would be the big monsters but no, there's this jerk of a villain who lobs fire bombs at me. Easy to dodge but the flames stick around allowing other enemies to trap you. Then there's the priests who fire fireballs at predictable but annoying intervals. Follow it up with the dogs and scythe users that jump on you and you've got a mixture of traps that frustrates me. If it was more souls like I'd be able to progress a bit or if this wa...

I'm done with ghouls for now. The well is dry as a bone and I need to return to my spring. I'm working on a character called Adam right now and I'm hoping he'll come out more formed than the last two characters I've worked on. These last few days have stressed me out and I need a break. I've got to keep writing though. I've got four more characters to define and then I'm done with the student cast and I can move on to the adult cast.

I feel like i need to let something out. The las5 four days have been exhausting. I think the only answer is pain.

I'm having trouble with my new character. For starters, she's a ghoul. The issue isn't what she is but the frequency. I think I've exhausted the issue of ghouls extensively, even to the point that I changed one character from a ghoul to a human. The real issue is that I discovered a wealth of knowledge on strange rituals and I don't want to tie too much to the ghoul species. Let me explain better: I don't want this story to focus on ghouls. There is a wealth of species in Lovecraft's world that begs to be unearthed. Most people use Cthulhu as a prop and call it a day. I'm diving into the obscure corners of his world. Right now, I'm dealing with rituals. Lovecraft's tales often mention dark, nameless rituals and leave it to the reader's imagination. I wish to describe SOME of the rituals. For that to happen, I need a character tied to it. For example, I have only one Deep One character and that seemed like enough to explore that aspect. I now ...

I've removed and praised Lovecraft's ability to weave tales that leaves you with more questions than answers but it's stirred a conflict in myself. I'm trying to reconcile my need to provide answers vs the need to write Lovecraftian tales. 

I had a rough couple of days but this made me laugh.  https://youtube.com/shorts/LFq-_-QJ0X8?si=C95DklglcEZlejeO  I find that this is true in both game narratives and in writing books. In this game that this guy is playing you hunt giant monsters and make items from them (Like the native americans making tools from antlers and bones) hence the "im here to make pants."  But anytime someone stops you from having fun in game or in a story, you learn to hate that person. I've seen many games lose my and others interest because the game said "slow down and let me tell you a story." I'm here for the main story, I'm here to slay monsters, not listen to yaking. Or worse, someone tells me to go the opposite direction. They'll say things like "you sure you want to use your powers that way?" And I'll say "The game just told me to do it." It's hard to find a moral issue when killing monsters is so fun

I'll be writing a few posts about The Sinking City given how large the game is. I play Charles Reed, a PI hoping to cure his eldritch visions and bad dreams by getting answers in Oakmont, a town half sunken in the sea. The game was developed by Frogware, a team set up in Ireland, which goes to show how far Lovecraft's influence has come. So far I've landed in the flooded town and finished my first case concerning the son of a local rich man named Throgmorton. An interesting name attached to a more interesting visage: the family claims to be married into royalty. It looks more like ape royalty. Strong jaws, deep voices, hairy brows, they look more bipedal primates than man. Then we have the Innsmouthers who are fish people with fangs and bald heads. You'd think two ugly people would get along but the Innsmouthers are immigrants fleeing after the police burned their homes down. Can't blame the police, the incidents in Innsmouth certainly warranted such terrible action...

I'm glad I'm home. It's good to be out but nothing feels good like coming home. Your stuff is safe and your house isn't on fire. It's also a reminder that you put on a mask when you go out. You're not your true self. I feel like a stranger in a strange land. I'll talk more about the meeting I went to later, for now, I'll mention that I learned how to observe things better. For now, I'm enjoying playing video games.

My meetings over and I'm still digesting it. I think I'll have more to say tomorrow.

Perhaps Verity's draw is her arc. She goes through at least a book's worth of events so that may be what brings in the readers. From corpse eater to goddess is a quite a journey. I just need to work out the details of what happens in between. I'm done with her for now, it's time to work on my next character.

I'm having trouble with my latest ghoul. The biggest divide between ghouls in my story is how they see their canibalist nature. That splits into categories of those that embrace their nature or reject it. The rules for ghouls are a little vague but it seems that a human might become a ghoul through a ritual. There are instances of humans and ghouls worshipping together in the Lovecraft stories. What they aim to achieve is unknown. To further complicate the matter, Lovecraft's fake family trees includes Yogash the Ghoul who is the grandson of Cthulhu. So it seems that the evolutionary line traveling down to humanity is filled monsters and gods. So let's talk about my character, Verity. She was cursed by a green talisman her father found and suddenly became what is called an albino ghoul. The idea was based off of Franz Kafka's "The Metamorphosis." This sudden transformation leads to Verity's banishment and poor treatment by both humans and ghouls. Here'...

The lore of Lovecraft and his friends is so vast that I could spend years searching just one corner. But I have other things I want to do. God-willing, I will get through this rabbit hole or not.

I believe some of Lovecrsfts characters live in a type of intellectual isolation. It's a prison they put themselves into by accident. It's something a lot of intelligent people do. The best example would be Elon Musk. He's an intelligent man but he's detatched from people. He has this ability to turn people off with his crass attitude. I'm sure he's on the spectrum but social interaction takes practice. But why should he? His mind thinks so differently that there's no one to understand him. That's It's own kind of prison, one you unknowingly walk into.  I have an uncle who's a genius when it comes to physics. But, when he's trying to explain things to a normal person, he uses the phrase "I'll have to use simpler words." Now, that might sound rude but he's so used to using words at a higher level that he's not used to, to coin a phrase, the common man's tongue. He's reached a level few can achieve and that mountai...