Attempt 11: Friends

 Another attempt here. I'm feeling better. Maybe it's because my meds are on the way, maybe it's because I've been talking to my friend Max. Max is the nicest man you'll ever meet. He's what I'd call a "comic lord" someone who knows comics inside and out. It's been my dream to earn enough money to give him something to live off of. Why? Because I have the urge to take care of him. He's also what I would call "soft souled." He's too kind on the inside and I worry about him. I shouldn't. I know he can take care of himself. But when you see a friend in need, you want the best for them. I want to help all the people that I care about and not be a burden. Maybe that's why I'm so hard on myself, I want to be better. But, money isn't always the answer. I know that but it's hard to believe when money moves things so easily. If I had more money, I could pay for Max's house so he wouldn't have to worry about payments. If only, if only. I have other friends I want to take care of. I think that was part of my original motivation to become a writer was to help out other people. But how can I help others when I can barely take care of myself. I just wish God's grace would fall on us...more obviously. Sometimes we don't notice the rain. I met Max when I was studying in college and he put out an email asking if anyone wanted to be study partners for our Japanese class. I agreed and became quick friends. I met him at his house and he has problems like me when he sees the big picture rather than breaking it down. For example, he freaks out when he saw all the mistakes he had to correct on his Japanese homework. I sat down with him and we went over the problems together. We got it done but I understand why he had a jump at all those underlined words that needed correcting. Like I said, he's soft souled. Max has an entire room dedicated to comics. A room with shelves on one end, a storage cabinat on the other, and a nice chair with a light above it. I'll put it like this, it's hard to find a good friend but if you have one in Max, you hit the jackpot.

It's not just Max. There's a few coworkers at my current job that I want to help too. One is fighting for his disability rights. He's a former marine who washes dishes for the main kitchen. I wash for the memory care kitchens. My coworker, Dean, is a heck of a guy. He's so friendly and bright. He's got a laugh that's way too loud but he's so nice you can't help but laugh along. The way he invades your space and just absorbs your pov is amazing. He commands your attention in such a kind method that you feel the need to listen, even if you don't understand the politics he's babbling about. I don't know if he fully understands but, by God, he has an opinion and he is going to share it. That's what I like about him, that in your face kind of attitude with kindness. There's a bit of a limp in his leg since he got knee surgery. He's skinny as a rail but built like a campaigning politician. By that I mean he's all about politics. What am I talking about anyway, thank God this is just practice.

Then I have a guy named Chubb who's also a "soft soul." He's really into the Tron movie series which has seen two sequels come out since the original in 19 whevever. I never cared for the series to be honest. It has a nice color scheme with the glowing lights and the bikes that leave that solid light behind. I asked my dad about it and he said that it was popular for the time because it was one of the first movies to ask what happens inside of a computer. An interesting concept but one that hasn't had the same movie success since the original film. Maybe I should sit down and watch the whole thing before I make my decision. I met Chubb at a game design course that we took together. It was one of those fluff courses that didn't know how to teach art or programming. It only taught the basic concepts of game design. I think the same can be said about writing, you need to learn it yourself. People can give you advice but only you can walk the path. Last I heard, my friend was working for a moving company. I haven't kept up with him too much. I remember I went out of my way to design a health pack for the game we were developing and I showed him how to do it. God, that was a powerful day. I practiced an practiced that technique to make a health pack for hours before I knew I had right idea. I think that neither of us realized how much game design would take out of us. Besides Tron, we were basing our game off of another game called Kirby's Air Ride where you went around colleting powerups to supe up your vehicle. You'd defeat enemies and like a wheel mosnter who would give you more speed or a fighting monster who would give you more power. The concept was there, we just had to figure out how to program. We never got a programer to help us and I was busy, at the time, with writing for another video game. That game also fell through. I never realized how much these "hobbies" take out of you. It can be difficult to be yourself and not let something drain your brain so much that you seem to lose yourself. It's like giving your blood to a drive, you can only give so much before you have to stop and recoperate. I hope to see these friends again soon because life is long. It's not short like some people say, it's very, very long. We just don't realize how long it is or use our time wisely. I think that's enough warm up for the day. Let's see what I can get into today.