Three Pages Attempt 6

I'm going to continue the breakdown from here since I forgot about doing it for the past couple of days. Can you blame me? I had a tooth pulled, not a fun experience.

Chapter 4: The Worst Nightmare

Chapter opens with Shuichi's internal monologue about what Claire told him. "She told me...that my being able to transfrom into this must mean something. But this...probably isn't it...Because this is probably just a bad dream." Cover shows Shuichi and the girl brawling. Shuichi monologues that this has to be a dream because he's not doing anything. It shows an image of him curled up in a fetal position. The girl yells at the transformed Shuichi. "You're just jealous...you don't have any talent." The girl follows up with a kick that Shuichi catches and twists the girl's leg. The girl screams. Shuichi reiterates that he would never do this kind of thing. Shuich tosses the broken girl. As she cries we get a flashback to when she found a coin in the grass. Cut to the girl's changing room (of course, more fan service) where the girls are talking about a vending machine near an abandoned building. The girl, also in the changing room, slams her locker shut and tells the girls to shut up. The girls continue to whisper about "Hikawa" who failed to make it into the interhigh track team. We cut to a scene of Hikawa desperately trying to cross the finish line. Hikawa visits the abandoned vending machine and sees that it has the same symbol on it as the coin she picked up. The vending machine does nothing at first adn Hikawa leaves. Once her back is turned a foot, then body, falls out of the machine. A young man thanks a surprised Hikawa for finding the coin. He asks that he can give her something in return. Cut to the next day, Hikawa is sprinting past the finish line. Her time has gone up leaps and bounds. She narrates "With these legs, I can run anywhere! I don't have to be like the rest of those losers." She fantasizes about going to the Olympics. This is something else I need, selfishness using your powers. It's obvious that teens wouldn't use their powers for "good" but for selfish reasons. I think that's something I can add to one of my characters. Hikawa realizes that the coin has given her claws and strange feet. Cut back to the present where Shuichi approaches a broken Hikawa. "I'm not going to die here." We reveal that Claire is speaking from inside Shuichi. "Sorry, but neither am I." Claire pulls out the gun and shoots Hikawa in the back, killing her. Shuichi narrates "This is a nightmare, the worst nightmare ever." Claire emerges from Shuichi's back. "Hey Shuichi, I think I peed a bit inside of you. Kidding." Shuichi remains on the ground unable to accept that someone was killed. This is another thing I could add is someone showing my character what they can do with powers like Nicholas has. I think Lyra might be a good fit for that.

So, now what do I want to do? I've got my writing in and I found out that it's easier to write about writing than it is to write. I could take a nap or read a book instead. Maybe I'll do that instead of editing. I don't want to edit my tooth story today. I feel bad leaving it there but I don't know how to edit without driving myself crazy.