TPA 35

I've been thinking about the writing I've been doing. I already gave up on things like friends but I figured I wasn't really using my time to make friends so I thought it would be better to write. I wonder if I'm improving. Today's therapy went horribly. First, my therapist was FORTY minutes late. They've already put me in a bind with having me meet two different therapists after one of them left due to a vague reason. I wish that these people would stay consistant so I can form a pattern. If I don't, I can't be comfortable to open up and talk to them. If I can't talk to them, then what's the purpose of therapy? I'm tired of these meetings. I want to waste my time playing games or reading or writing this crap. Instead I've got an aid twice a week, two therapists in a row and soon I'll have meetings with this guy who'll help me find a job. I'm more stressed out NOW than I was before I had the meeting. What's happening to me? And now all my tabs are messed up on my phone so I can't comfort myself with some comics or manga. I have to wait until they correct. Why can't I diminish the amount of tabs I have? I'm so frustrated right now, working with this new therapist is like talking to a doctor that doesn't care. They just want to get a job done. Just like the job people who want to find me a job at Walmart and call it done. They don't care about me. No one but my family does and they're on the edge of being seventy. How long will I have my family? How long until no one cares about me? 

Let's talk about something else. I watched "Good Boy" with my friend. It was a decent film considering the plot was kind of weak. A sick man goes to an old house with his dog. The whole movie is told by the dog's pov. We barely see the owner's or anyone's face which adds to the focus on the dog. The monster that attacks the owner reminds me of the molded monsters from Resident Evil 7. Great game, just terrible cannon fodder. The Resident Evil series has always had this great cast of monsters apart from the zombies. Creatures like Lickers that hang on the ceiling or the zombie dogs that jump out of windows. Resident Evil 7 has the Baker family that stalk you throughout the mansion to make up for the weak molded. They're just humanoid blobs of teeth and goop. Nothing more. Going back to the movie, it's amazing that the director was able to get so much emotion out of the dog. Going by the name "Indy" (both in story and his real name) the dog has this great range of emotion and actions that really add to the terror. Getting Indy to crawl under the bed or sit still while being dragged by his collar must have been a nightmare to work on. Props to the director for having the fortitude to work with his own dog for so long.

What else happened? I don't know what else to write. I told my folks about the therapy not working. I'm doing better now. Maybe her not being on time threw me off a bit. Maybe I'll do better next time. Or maybe if she wasn't so mechanical. That would make it easier to talk to her. Just thinking about her makes me feel wrong. Maybe it's with me. Maybe I'm wrong. I just don't have enough time to do all the things I want to do. What I really want to do is relax more. Have more fun, less stress. I'm reading "Haunting of Hill House" by Shirley Jackson. I want to discuss it with my mom once she's read it so I need to catch up. I think I'll write more about Cain today once I've watched my found footage movie. Just some junk food movie that I wanted to see for a while. I swear these get worse each time. It's like the soul is lost. I've heard about these people who love anthology movies like the Nightmare on Elmstreet series or Friday the Thirteenth but like those movies, these VHS movies have more lows than highs. It makes me want to watch less of them. Still, a little junkfood never killed anybody.