TPA 62 Monster Three

I've got a lot to write about today but I beat one of the monsters. Years ago I found an essay supposedly by Dan Simmons. I can't confirm that it's his work but it does offer good advice. One of which devastated me years ago. I misread the quote as "if you don't make it by the time you are thirty, you won't make it at all." The real quote says  "We all know there are youthful prodigies in mathematics. Indeed, by the age of 30, most true mathematicians are over the hill. If they haven't made their bones by then, they almost certainly never will."

That quote haunted me for many years. That was over a decade ago and it still hurts a bit. But this is my mosnter, this one I made myself cobbled together with misunderstandings and fastened with the same fears and insecurities that tie me down. It's like the telephone game where one person speaks a word to antoher in a circle and round it goes until you end up with a new word or phrase. It's disgusting how much we torture ourselves with our negative self-talk and doubts. We can twist ourselves into knotts that never get undone. No wonder so many people are into whiskey. We torture ourselves in hopes that by punishment we will somehow fix the issues inside ourselves. I've been a victim of this for a long time. And I've discovered the main issue with my writing: It's too big. I look at the whole of the elephant, not the small bites I need to take. I will be able to eat such a thing if I pace myself, but the black and white part of me wants to swallow the elephant whole. If I can learn to calm myself and take it step by step, I think I can prevent panic attacks and build a bunch of worlds for myself to explore. 

I call this fear the master's fear because it feels like the heads of the writing world are looking down on you and your work. Yes, it's probably not as good as theirs, but many authors want to help others get to where they are and fix their work, not condem it. Although, I'm sure there are plenty of jerks out there who think people are beneath them. While knowing little about him, Harlan Ellison comes off as one of those people. Dan Simmons' essay goes on the explain how hard it is to write and I understand what he's saying. He's not trying to scare me but to prepare me for the long journey that lies ahead. And it is a long journey, so short the life, so long the learning process. But, I like what Bill Johnson says about life: you get a taste of what your purpose is here in this life before you fulfill it in the next one. As someone who believes in the afterlife, I'm satisfied knowing that I'll only have a taste. I want more, but there is only so far the human body can take me. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak. 

In other news, I finished up the fourth episode of the Mighty Nein which was good. I think I like it because the problems that the characters have are more personal rather than heroes from the void like in Vox Machina. I'm looking forward to the next one but I have to wait a whole week for an hour of entertainment. Doesn't seem fair, but there are plenty of other shows to binge watch.

I'm going to take a break and play for a little while before getting to work on the questions that my writing coach sent me. It should help me develop the story better. That's another thing I wanted to point out about my writing. I need to remember that just because I don't have a brain blast every time I think of something doesn't mean it isn't interesting to the reader. I have to see that even if it isn't fun to write doesn't mean it's fun to read. I forget that people are here for entertainment and if I can slip in a little truth about the world, the story is all the better.