Three Pages Attempt 3

Well, I'm not happy. Not only do I have to write three pages, I have a paper I need to edit if I want it to be published and it's killing me. My tooth story is incomplete and I have ideas but not methods on how to fix them. It's easier to write about writing than it is to create. That's why I'm doing the three pages a day thing to get my mojo going. But it's hard. I had to wake up and exercise so that my back doesn't kill me at work. That took more than a half an hour to do so that's time lost. Tomorrow I have to go to the clinic to exercise and I like working out because I get to meditate but working out every day just isn't for me. I have to do it if I want a better back though. My back and stomach are killing me. Knives in my back, shrapnel in my stomach. I've been eating too much greasy food lately and it's killing my gut. Is this what it's like to be old? It sucks. I want to nap, not write. I think I'm a better writer as a hobbiest not as a career. I don't want to practice this much, just as much as I can. In fact, I don't want to write this. There's so much I want to do right now. I want to read some comics and play some games and get that story done. I've watched these videos about ADHD and Autism and how there's this neuro misconnection between me and the part of the brain that tells me to get up and go. So I guess I won't be "smelling the coffee" as they say. That's why people like me like video games over doing homework. The game gives me an instant gratification and consequences. Homework does nothing to me, kind of like this homework I'm doing now. Why is it that I always seek out things that annoy me? I must be a masochist. I work at jobs where I have to talk to people who stress me out. I once worked at a phone company for Ann Taylor where I had to listen to complaints from clients every day or sit around and do nothing. Which was worse, the calls or the quiet? I work with people who don't understand me or worse, can't do anything to help me. It's a hell I live in. God, what do I do? I can't choose to self-motivate. This isn't a choice I can make. But the people who write truly love this job and they make a career out of it. I can't wake up one day and make the choice to be better. It's a comfort to know that some people understand this. But if there are no consequences right in front of me, I can't do it. That's probably why I did so poorly at my job. I wasn't slacking, I didn't see the immediate consequences. So now, I try harder at my job but it drains me emotionally and physically. That's why I have to get physically better so that my body can keep up even if my mind can't. This guy I'm paraphrasing, I watched him on TikTok. He says "You can't self-motivate, so it doesn't matter what your goals are. You won't get there." That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. I want to talk to my parents but they're at my Grandma's helping out. Isn't that a rock and a hard place irony? Their future, their child, is in a mess and Grandma has slight dementia. Stuck between the past and the future. What a nightmare. What are we to do God? Is praying like this, by writing, does that count?

I've found this book about depression. The author is Johann Hari, someone I've never heard about before. One of the quotes that is popular, according to Amazon, is "What if depression, is, in fact, a form of grief-for our own lives not being as they should? What if it is a form of grief for the connections we have lost, yet still need?" I think about that quote a lot lately. And by "lately" I mean the last five minutes. The fact is that I lost a lot of connections when I left high school that I never recovered. More than that, I lost the structure that kept me sane. Now I live on my own and I can't do anything without someone's help. It sickens me to think that I can't do something. 

Anyway, I've decided to do something about breaking down the mang I like that I mentioned in the last update. I'm going to write about each chapter and breakdown how they work. I think the series is short and simple enough for me to do that. This practice will let me get my word count in, assuming that's what the exercise is trying to teach me, and let me break down stories I like. 

Starting with: Gleipnir. Chapter 1: Inside Me

The cover page is interesting. It has a girl in her underwear coming out, or going in, a mascott dog. We can see the mascot zipped open and, of course, our eyes are drawn to the girl's panties. Cut to the first page where the a boy in glasses is holding up and strangling the girl. He threatens her but the girl only smiles and asks him to kill her as if she gleefully accepts death. "I'll kill you! You demon!" "Then kill me, you monster." The boy starts to transform as hs chokes her. She says that she wants to see what's inside of him, inside of Shuichi. Cut back to what I assume is a few hours earlier. Shuichi denies an opportunity from a highschool counselor who asks if Shuichi has found something he wants to do. Shuichi says he has but narrates, after he exits the room, that he lying. He simply wants to keep living his life and make friends. Meet new people. Seems really social for someone who seems like an otaku. Shuichi sees a dead racoon on the road as he leaves. He narrates that he wants things to stay the way they are forever. We cut to a back and forth between Shuichi facing forward and a girl's back. She's holding a gasoline tank. Shuichi reflects on the dead raccoon he saw. He says its dumb because that it should have stayed in the mountains where it was safe. It was better than sticking it's nose into where it didn't belong. We get this scene where Shuichi is staring off into space in same direction as a girl who has her panties up. Shuichi is called a pervert and everyone laughs. Shuichi is cleaning up the classroom when a friend comes up and says that she got a recommendation for a university. She's estatic until she realizes that Shuichi was supposed to get it. He gave up something because he can't move on. Sounds like Nicholas. Shuichi narrates that he's not HUMAN enough to deserve it. The girl's name is revealed to be Mifune. Shuichi is outside and narrates that he has a monster inside of him. Maybe this is something I should add to my character. A false sense of guilt. He doesn't know why things happened at his old school but they did and now he's in Ohio. Anyway, Shuichi is outside playing a game when he smells smoke. He follows the smell to a building on fire. Here we see this hint that he might have more to him than the average human. I'm guessing most humans can smell smoke but I know that Shuichi isn't human anymore. Shuichi sees the fire and is about to call the fire people when he smells that someone is inside. This confirms that Shuichi has special powers or something abnormal about him. A normal human wouldn't smell something over the smoke. Realizing that if he doesn't help, the person inside will die. Shuichi debates with himself. He thinks about the raccoon and what happend to it. He shouldn't get involved. That's something I need for Nicholas, an inciting incident to introduce him to the strange world. The problem is that Shuichi knows there's something strange going on with him but my character might not know that. Maybe I need to change that. As he transforms, he questions why he has this strange form and abilities. We only see pieces of the full figure until the reveal of the whole body. He's a cartoon dog with suspenders and pistol sling. Shuichi bemoans the fact that he has these abilities and doesn't know why he's transformed into a cartoon dog. "It makes literally no sense." Maybe that was what the author was going for. A way to grab your attention. Shuichi collects himself and tries to save the girl. He trips and narrates that it's hard to move and his vision is worse. He punches the brick wall next to him and it opens up. Again Shuichi is flabergasted by his own form. "What he hell is with this body?" Shuichi comforts himself knowing that it is because of this body that he's able to save the girl. As he carries the unconscious girl out, he's grateful that no one saw him. In the next scene we see the girl has woken up and is freaked out by Shuichi. But she says nothing and keeps quiet. Shuichi lays her body on the grass and reaches for her. She's playing unconscious. Shuichi tries to take off her panties. He likes her smell. Shuichi comes to his senses and transforms back into a human. There's this interesting inbetween stage where he's half human half mascot. The girl wakes up as Shuichi walks off, she's scared. Cut to the news report on the fire. Mifune is with her family watching the news. She notices how close the building was to her home. Cut to Shuichi's home and he's unable to find his phone. He's afraid he lost it in the fire. As he walks to school, he's afraid that someone will find out about him. This is something else I'm missing, the fear of power. Nicholas hasn't exhibited any powers yet except when he was at his old school. I need something to happen for him to be afraid to talk to anyone about it. Shuichi berates himself thinking that he shouldn't have saved the girl in the fire. As he's at his locker, a familiar smell hits him. The girl from before approaches him and holds out his phone. "So you really did exist..." She seems happy that she's found someone like him. She says that no one else believed her. Believed her about what? I guess she's encountered people like this before. "Why don't we talk? Because I'm very...VERY intereted...in monsters like you." End of first chapter.

So, my notes show there are plenty of things I can take from this series. I need a way for Nicholas' abilities, if he has any, to be introduced. I was originally going to have him be a necromancer but that doesn't seem to fit the Yellow theme. What kind of powers does the king of madness have? I need to think about that kind of stuff. But I'm tired right now, I just want to play some games. Maybe next time I can do more writing. I mean, I technically got to three pages right? Maybe I'm pushing myself too hard with this because I got to nearly two thousand words and the internet tells me that the average amount of words in three pages long hand is six hundred. I've got almost three times that. I think I can do a little better now.