TPA 56

The weather is getting to me. The cold and the dry air makes me depressed. My SAD is acting up with the turn of the seasons and it kills me. The good news is that I've got plenty with which to distract myself. Cold weather is the best time to read which I'll do after this. Looking online, a lot of people are worried about the Steam Machine might be more than originally thought. My hope is that it's on the low end of sex hundred. If it's more than that then this isn't a bargin anymore. I might have to reconsider. Not that I was giving it serious thought but I am jealous seeing my friends get one of these devices while I'm left in the cold. Being broke is awful but it may change soon. I've been lax lately on my pages but it was a nice break and now I feel like I'm going to give it another try. Who am I kidding? I'm just afraid of my own story. I know it won't come out right and even though I know what I want to do next. Writing is fear. If I can't get over that, I can't be a writer. Maybe with God I can.

I had this reoccuring dream where I'm at a school for elementary and middle schoolers. It's the most amazing school I've ever seen. The floors and walls are colorful with games painted into them like four squares or hopscotch. There's this mural on the stone steps leading to the second floor that's really colorful. The entry leads into this gymnasium that's filled with those placemats and toys made out of those placemats. On the second floor is the school's main classrooms and they are packed with eager kids. I went in there and at first they didn't need me but I wanted to be a part of this. I'm in love with the idea of prepping. That is, I love preparing for your life with education and events that shape it. It's the actual living that I'm afraid of. 

I did a little bit more of my story and it feels good to be done. Now I have to figure out what happnes next. This makes me wonder what Brandon Sanderson does. He doesn't really write short fiction does he? He's the novel type while King is the multiple type. But I feel better now that I've written the first chapter. The rest of the problem comes from living up to the idea behind it.

I've been enthralled by the Mighty Nein. It's from Critical Roll, the same people who made Vox Machina. I think I'm more interested in it because I can't binge watch it. I have to be patient week by week. But I'm facinated by the fact that the McGuffin that everyone is after is shaped like a die. They called it everything, fate, destiny, gravity, all the laws that make up the world are bound inside of it. It feels a bit too meta for me but I'm still interested. I assume there will be a season 2 or more since there is no way they can end it in a few episodes.

Just finished up a DnD game with some friends. They're Mike's friends not mine though so it's hard to be friendly with them. Maybe it's the autism or maybe normal people feel this way. I just wear the mask of a fool while I'm there. In reality I'm kind of depressed and it's difficult to pretend even though I'm playing make believe with others. I just wish our games were more fun for me. Our DM isn't bad but he's so loose on the story details that get people involved that you don't believe in the world. It's like a bad fantasy book, something's missing and I don't know how to correct him. Great DMs are hard to find and we aren't here for an epic story but I don't play Zelda just to slay some monsters, I play for the epic adventure. And the princess, that too. Anyway, when I got home today the fire alarm was going off. I pressed the panic button on my monitoring device and it took them a minute to pick up and answer me. What if this had been a real emergency? I eventually took apart the alarm and yanked out the battery. It just frustrating that no one answered. What a waste.