The Blog In Yellow

It's called that because my dreams are inverted. In this dream, I had the goal of being a dishwasher but I end up working for a TV or Movie set. The director is this strict but understanding woman who reminds me of the Devil wears Prada or something. She's tough on her crew but understanding towards me because she knows I'm autistic. I duck into the set when they start filming a medical horror drama. There's this glowing goo like from the Reanimator films that the head actress is using to fight the doctors. She becomes my girlfriend later. The director hires me to work on set and I take the job. Later, I go out to take out the trash and this guy keeps poking me with a stick. I end up fighting him with tai chi because its the only exercise I get. Later on I return to the trash area to pick up some litter and some people help me out. And of course, because it's a dream, there's zombies in it. But I'm chalking that up to the director making a zombie film. Overa...

So a lot of stuff happened while I was out of it. SAD can really take the life out of you. Which is strange because today should be the worst day. About three days ago, don't ask me why, but I felt better. I don't know what caused this change in me but the SAD left me as quickly as it entered me. Again, which is strange because today should be the worst day. Today is a snow day and I don't mean just for school. The whole area is shut down because of the snow storm that came in. The plowmen have given up because there isn't enough salt or plows to fix the roads. Right now, its a category three warning which means that if you're out there, the police can arrest you. The last time there was a day like this was when I was working for Panera. I went home with five bags of bread that day, like, full garbage bags of freshly baked bread. It was awesome. Anyway, I told myself that once I got better, I would try writing again. I'll be honest, I was scared a bit. Trying to...

Several things happened yesterday. I got to meet another James who seems like a nice guy. He's the second James at the place that I work at. During my break on the bench outside we talked for a while about hopes and dreams and stuff like that. He want's to go back to school and earn more money as a sports massuse. We talked about other things like video games and how he's waiting for the next move from God. I'm waiting for the same thing. Now that I have disability I wonder what's next for me. After that, I announced to the nurses and aids that it was time for dinner. They all celebrated at my arrival which is a sign of a bad day. If I'm the "first good news" they hear then it must have been a tough time for them. Last night I dreamed I was at a huge school with three floors. I drove over there to visit a local school just for the heck of it and because I had an urge to visit a school. I knew that it could be illegal to walk into any school but I thoug...

I suppose I should wish myself a merry Christmas. I had a nightmare last night. It must have been a powerful one if it stuck with me. I'm not writing much today because I want to focus on Cain today. I was in college and the due date for three projects was coming up by the end of the week. Seven days. That's all I had to work on a project that I hadn't studied. I could barely remember reading the material for the class but it was filled with notes which means I must have been paying attention. That didn't help me, the project required me to study the physics of a car but I didn't have enough time to rent the car and test it out, which meant I was doomed. If I couldn't get access to the project's main objective, I couldn't do the work. And there were two other final projects I had to take which left me out in the cold. I remember I was planning to call the teacher and ask to be taken out of the class in hopes that it would prevent my bad grade. I have a l...

I'm trying something different. I'm in the lobby at my housing complex to get away from all the distractions at my house. I'll be writing for a few minutes and then jumping back and forth between other tasks to get more stuff done. Maybe this will work, maybe not. We'll find out. I was walking with my mom today and we talked about my character results from an online test I took. It struck me that I wasn't listed as trustworthy. My folks explained that while I have great ambitions, I promise the moon and can't deliver. During our walk I was talking with my mom about this revelation. She said that it wasn't that I was lying, I promise too much. I realized that the same happens to me. I demand that I write as much as Stephen King in one day and I barely get a thousand words out while he's printing six pages a day. I barely read and he's reading several books in a week. King is a machine, there's no doubt about that. To get to that level may be diffi...

The weather is getting to me. The cold and the dry air makes me depressed. My SAD is acting up with the turn of the seasons and it kills me. The good news is that I've got plenty with which to distract myself. Cold weather is the best time to read which I'll do after this. Looking online, a lot of people are worried about the Steam Machine might be more than originally thought. My hope is that it's on the low end of sex hundred. If it's more than that then this isn't a bargin anymore. I might have to reconsider. Not that I was giving it serious thought but I am jealous seeing my friends get one of these devices while I'm left in the cold. Being broke is awful but it may change soon. I've been lax lately on my pages but it was a nice break and now I feel like I'm going to give it another try. Who am I kidding? I'm just afraid of my own story. I know it won't come out right and even though I know what I want to do next. Writing is fear. If I can...

I had a nightmare last night. I was back at my call center job. I spent five years in that hell answering questions for fat women on why their clothes didn't fit. That kind of job is one that no one should have. They made us buy food at a grocery store so that we could stay on the phone longer. We bought it with our own money. They forced us to sit in these chairs for hours answering call after call after call. Then, I met a woman who wanted to blow up the building. I had to join her.  It reminds me of that short story "A Deer in the Works" in which a man chases a deer in a factory as his first job. I'm really tired and depressed today. I didn't get a lot of sleep and I just have to wait until my medicine makes me feel better. It won't always be like this, I'll be better soon. I just have to be patient.  I have this playlist on Youtube called "Mental Masochism." I've been watching it a lot lately. It's a playlist of things that make me cr...

Today I'm pretty sure my friend will go home. I had a blast last night playing DnD with my other friends. I wonder if it was because I was so into it. Recently I found a blog that talked about the monsters from Kouldelka. It was based on the fan wiki but the writer gave their own impressions of the baddies which was neat to read. Maybe I should make my own impressions. The problem is that the game is what...about three hundred dollars? I need more money but my parents would freak out if I paid that much for a game. Guess I'm stuck with emulators. That's fine. I wish PS5 would host the game. Or the Shadow Heart series. Those games are very expensive and hard to find. This is one of the goals in my life, to preserve games. And translate all games into English for a giant library.   I looked up the development behind Koudelka and the game's name and main character are based on the photography of Josef Koudelka, a famous photographer from Czechoslovakia. He's famous for...

Several good things happend to me yesterday. When I walked in yesterday I met an elderly woman who worked at the facility. "Six two or six three." That's the first thing she said to me. I picked up immediately and told her six two. She went into a story about how she knew an athlete who was six three and whenever she hugged him she head to stand on a stool or the stairs to hug him or she'd hug his navel. She proceeded to ask me what my degree was in. I told her I was unsure if it was a B.A. or a B.A.S. or something like that. To my knowledge I haven't looked at my degree in years as it hangs on my parent's house. It's easy to forget your own accomplishments and then you forget how to treasure them. As we talked she said that she worked with mental health. At least, I think that's what she did. She said that she helped people through personal problems but she didn't say she was a therapist or a counselor. I don't know what type of job she does t...

I had a dream that I was at college. This is rare for me because I usually dream about high school or middle school. There was this gray basement area where people could study and there was these rooms off to the right where the students slept. I remember going through some of them because a pair of cute Asian girls went by and I wanted to see where they were...I dunno, roomed at. That's not a word is it? Sheesh, I am in bad form today. I don't want to write at all. I feel like I'm the worst writer whoever lived. I can't make sense of what I wanted to write about with my tooth story. I doubt it will be ready by the time Halloween comes around. This is too hard. I'm going to take a nap instead and go from there. I'd rather be asleep than think about hard stuff like this. My brain isn't ready for this type of difficulty, yet. And I think that's my problem. I try to do too much. What was I thinking trying to write ten books in one series? I have the plan fo...

 So it looks like the site didn't save my work I did yesterday, I'm still counting it but I need to focus on the Gleipnir story I was working on. There's several things to talk about.  First, I'm getting an aching tooth pulled today which means I'll have more for my tooth story. So there's something good out of all of this. If I can recall what happens to me today, I can add it to my narrative. Whenever I go to the dentist I always wonder what people in the medieval ages did when they had tooth problems. They didn't have tooth brushes back then and I wonder how they got teeth out. I know that the local blacksmith was of help. But he only had hammers and pliers so I have to think the job was quite painful. Second, I recalled a strange dream I had yesterday. It was like I was in an underground city preparing for siege. The town was about to be attacked by something, probably monsters, and we lived underground with bright lights above us. Like we were in a buil...

I had this strange dream last night. Many of my dreams don't make sense in the heat of the moment but this one struck my interest. I was looking for loot in a park with a friend. She came across an eight track tape buried in the dirt. Beneath it was an old casset player with a tape still in it. We brushed off the dirt as best we could and tried to get it to play. Strangely enough, the tape worked despite the dirt and it played something horrible. It was this chant from a cult we had never heard of before. A horrible rendition of music and vocaloids that made us cringe. But that was the fun part I have to flesh out. What was on that tape that made us so uncomfortable? It reminds me of that Stephen King story where a guy has to draw pictures and gets paid money for doing so. But any excess money he has to pour down the drain to get rid of it. It's based on a strange dream King had about a guy pouring money down a sewer. In King's style, there's a big backstory behind the ...