TPA 58

I'm trying something different. I'm in the lobby at my housing complex to get away from all the distractions at my house. I'll be writing for a few minutes and then jumping back and forth between other tasks to get more stuff done. Maybe this will work, maybe not. We'll find out.

I was walking with my mom today and we talked about my character results from an online test I took. It struck me that I wasn't listed as trustworthy. My folks explained that while I have great ambitions, I promise the moon and can't deliver. During our walk I was talking with my mom about this revelation. She said that it wasn't that I was lying, I promise too much. I realized that the same happens to me. I demand that I write as much as Stephen King in one day and I barely get a thousand words out while he's printing six pages a day. I barely read and he's reading several books in a week. King is a machine, there's no doubt about that. To get to that level may be difficult for me, I don't want to say that it's impossible because I need to have hope. Maybe my path is different. Times have changed since Stephen King became famous. There's the internet, indie comics, and other types of ways to get your story across. I wonder if I can take advantage of it. I've been so focused on this that it's no longer become fun but a duty. That's not how I want to write, but I do want to do more. 

I had a strange dream last night. I gave my sister a new copy of Calvin and Hobbes comics. That was the strangeness of it, that I was giving it to her. It should be the other way around. That's the strangeness of the dream. 

I had an idea yesterday. Going back to when I was in elementary school, I put together a display of the planets for the science fair. I won and I was sent out to another place to when another ribbon at the county science fair. I was that school's representative. Another time I was put on a wagon and paraded around along with a few other kids who were important. I'm guessing they got good grades or were exemplary students, I never found out what they did. But I waived at a few people while I was towed through the parade. It was a strange event that I barely remember but it also seemed like God way saying "you're my representative." I look back at those times and think "Really? Me? There's got to be someone better." That's the great thing about being a rep is that sometimes you don't feel like you deserve it.

Lately I've been attacking myself more than usual. I'm trying to tough out these bad feelings that come during the cold seasons. Is it helping? I'm not so sure. It feels like it's making it worse. I just don't want to be the person who falters on the first bump. I have to remember the verse in the Old Testament where God parts the Jordan and goes before the Jews. I have to wait for that to happen for me I think. I've been in the wilderness for too long. This hope that's inside of me to create worlds and stories that inspire people is still inside of me, I don't know how to kill it. But with each hiccup I fall like I've been shot. I feel like I need to toughen up a bit and not complain. Maybe God will give me more to do if I improve myself. Like I'm panicking in knee-deep water.

I guess I'll finish up with some Koudelka pics. 

Seeker Trio

I'm not sure what this is. The Bestarity says that they are idols that the Druids used to worship. Now, what causes an idol to fall into darkness? It's something that I'm digging too deep into but I always like it when there's more to the lore. I guess I play too many Souls games. I expect too much.

Shadow

You can't see much but there's an orb in the middle somewhere. It's the embodiment of all the evil in the monastary. See, that's a little better. That fits into the lore.

Sham

Just a wandering soul. Nothing special. My mind keeps on finding new ideas to add to this story. Like how they're the souls of the tortured that were kept in the monastery.

Skeleton

Of course there's a skeleton. I wonder what would happen if the Skeleton and the Sham were to meet and fuse. What if the body was different from the soul? Would there be a rejection or would the person wake up in a new body?

Spectre

Isn't this the same thing as a Sham? It's a ghost, right? The Bestarity says that it stalks people in their shadows and smothers them in their sleep. Nasty stuff.

Sucker

I expected a leech given the name. It looks like a bed bug. The bestarity says that it was enhanced by the powers of the monastery. Another great tidbit of lore.